The Dummy Files: Dog Ate My Checkbook, No Smoking Allowed, etc. - FindLaw Blotter
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The Dummy Files: Dog Ate My Checkbook, No Smoking Allowed, etc.

On the week of 4th of July, some not-so-sharp criminal elements provided some fireworks in the form of mind-numbing excuses, plus various improper uses for liquids, food items, and utensils.

What a hoser. For non-smokers, catching a whiff of unwanted second-hand fumes might be pretty annoying. This may particularly be the case if it's happening in your own house. But if it's your own wife smoking in your house, there's probably not a whole lot to be done, is there? Well, one Florida man allegedly decided that drenching his wife with a garden hose was a good way to deal with her decision to light up a smoke. Although delving into the legality of watering a family member might have been interesting, it looks like that may have to wait for another case since this guy allegedly elbowed her after she tried to phone a friend. Still, he explained that "he had been watering the grass and did not intend to spray her."

Whaddya gotta do to lose a license around here? States often have a progression in the severity of DUI or DWI penalties people receive for drinking and driving. For example, perhaps the first DUI offense won't carry with too much of a penalty, whereas a second or third offense may result in severe punishments and years' long drivers license revocations. Well, a report out of New Jersey may leave some wondering what it takes to lose a license in that state. A guy in the state may finally have hit the, uh, legal limit, after notching his 15th DUI offense. Reportedly, 40-year-old Shaun Campbell has had his license "suspended 78 times over the past 22 years, including 14 previous times for DWI." Further, Campbell has now even inspired criminal legislation targeting certain repeat drunken-driving offenses. From the comments on the story, it appears "just in the nick of time" might not describe the latter.

A Plan as Smooth as Butter. What do you do when a knife-wielding attacker demands your money? Hopefully, it's a no-brainer, hand over the cash, right? Not for one hotel clerk in South Dakota, who would have none of it on his watch. But let's not rush to throw around the labels of foolhardy or heroic. His attacker was allegedly brandishing an ever-so-frightening butter knife, and the clerk simply refused to give the guy any money. This apparently left the robber wannabe with only one option to try and save face, turning tail. Despite the scoffworthy choice of weapon, police nevertheless tracked down a suspect and arrested him on a robbery charge.

Does that Still Work? Maybe I was under the mistaken impression that the "dog ate my ..." excuse stopped working after grade school, or at least high school, if it ever worked at all. Well, one 50-year-old Washington woman state may think otherwise. After she was accused of helping herself to her former husband's bank accounts (I'm taking a wild guess that it wasn't cool with him), she told police that "Her dog got into her purse and ate all her personal checks". So, the logic went, she was forced to utilize her former husband's cash stash. Detention may take on a whole other meaning for her...