Do people want to date lawyers? Unfortunately, the media's portrayal of folks in the legal sector is often more than a bit off, and it's a bit dismaying for some to realize that we're not all as beautiful as Harvey Specter.
It might be more realistic to ask how many times has "Boston Legal's" Denny Crane been married now? Also, let's not forget in "Sex & the City" where Miranda, at a speed-dating event, receiving blank stare after stare when she revealed that she was a successful attorney who'd graduated from Harvard Law School. Harvard. Law. She then posed as a stewardess, and instantly got a date.
That, unfortunately, is often more the norm. Why? What can we do about it?
We're intimidating, in the worst way possible.
While it may seem like everyone's going to law school, that's actually not the case. This means that not everyone can relate to your experience. Lawyers may appear more intimidating to others, just because of all the intense years of schooling and the somewhat prestigious reputation being an attorney at law holds. This may be impressive to your grandma, but for a prospective date, it can be rather terrifying.
Accessibility is key. Focus on talking about your life outside the law and common interests that you hold with that person that doesn't revolve churning out several briefs a day and being a powerhouse in the courtroom. Also, while it may be appropriate at work -- try not to wear a stuffy suit on your first date. Not even other lawyers would like that.
We're too argumentative.
Years of school and work where all one really learn is is how to argue, fiercely represent your clients, cross-examine, and just to avoid showing weakness in general may unfortunately bleed into your personality more than you know, despite you insisting that you're a softie at heart. In general, folks don't find this attractive because it can lead to attributes like arrogance, stubbornness, and narcissism.
Remember that you aren't always right, and you certainly did not feel that confident in law school, and that you are not in court, but on a date. Again, accessibility is key and all your possible other half really wants to know is that you are open and relatable. They want someone they can communicate, not argue, with.
Our work-life balance is ... just not there.
Lawyers work a lot -- this is fairly undisputed. Nobody wants to date an absent person who forgets what their children look like. This is a bigger fish to fry than just reminding yourself about humility, and involves taking a look at your work-life overall. Some initial steps that may be helpful are striving to be more efficient at work so that you can have more time to play and in general be more content, or if your firm isn't suiting your needs, try seeking out one that might be more suitable. That might not just help your dating life, but your actual, um, life.
Good luck out there.
- Skadden partner announces plans to be a supportive husband in departure memo (ABA Journal)
- Should a Lawyer Ever Date a Client? (FindLaw's Strategist)
- Legal Profession Ranks Most Socially Responsible (FindLaw's Greedy Associates)