Greedy Associates: Humor Archives
Greedy Associates - The FindLaw Legal Lifestyle and Career Blog

Recently in Humor Category

Junior associate, senior associate, partner -- it's great to have titles, but these days, you can make up your own title to inflate both your self-importance and your outward appearance of importance.

As they say in writing class, "Show me, don't tell me." Your title might say you're a "senior" whatever, but how do you know when you've finally "arrived" at your firm? The Law Firm hierarchy will tell you.

Well, it's "Snowmageddon" on the East Coast as a nor'easter batters much of the region with high winds and heavy snowfall. Though blizzard warnings have now been lifted for New York and New Jersey, according to CNN, many schools and offices throughout New England are closed.

For many people, it's looking more and more like a "snow day." What are you expected to do on this rare occasion, a "day off"? Here are a few suggestions:

From the "here's what you can do when you don't want to be a lawyer anymore" files, have you tried becoming an Internet entrepreneur? Of course you have, but you aren't as inventive as Matthew Homann.

Among his many projects, Homann created a website where people can create fake profiles for significant others they don't have in order to convince their family and friends that they have a girlfriend or boyfriend.

On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

12 Waivers Waving -- Yup, the best way of going about stopping a class action is preventing it from starting. And how do you do that? Binding arbitration with a class action waiver, of course.

11 Circuits Piping -- But that's not counting the D.C. and Federal Circuits, which make Lucky 13. Why hasn't the Ninth Circuit been split up, again?

An Excuse for Midday Drinking? It Boosts Creativity: Study

Like many lawyers, we can't live without a midday break. Why? A wee little dose of creativity in the coffee.

You see, it turns out that drinking may indeed inspire creativity, just as all the greats (here's to you, William Faulkner) said it did. But the researchers behind this study say there's one small caveat: The target is buzzed, not blitzed.

So next time you need that spark of creativity to add a little extra nasty flair to a demand letter or otherwise boring legal brief, should you knock back a couple and give it another shot?

Harvard Prof., a Lawyer, Goes to War Over $4 Chinese Food Overcharge

I get it. I get Professor Ben Edelmen was frustrated. He ordered $53.35 worth of Chinese food from Sichuan Garden, a local restaurant. He was charged $57.35. Apparently, an out-of-date website was to blame.

Like I said, I get it. I tried to buy a keg of Pabst Blue Ribbon a few months back from a mom-and-pop liquor store up on the corner. Their website said $50. When I got there, they wanted $70 and refused to honor the price on their website, which the lady said that she didn't know how to update.

You know what I did? I went to BevMo. By contrast, Prof. Edelman of the Harvard Business School (who has a Ph.D., a J.D., a master's, and a bachelor's degree from Harvard) cited state consumer protection laws, demanded a half-off discount, and reported the restaurant to the authorities.

A while ago, we offered some advice on typography and typesetting, much of which we learned from reading Matthew Butterick's excellent book Typography for Lawyers. But we'd be remiss if we focused exclusively on the lawyer-end of readability. What about the courts? As the Seventh Circuit has made clear, it's thinking about typography and readability -- even as others aren't.

Here are some good (and not so good) alternatives to Times New Roman (TNR) we've seen in court opinions.

The ABA Has a Wine Club. No Really. Our Bar Sells Wine.

I don't even know where to start with this one: the "bar" puns or "lawyers are such alcoholics ..." trope that this feeds so well into.

The American [Legal] Bar Association has a wine club. That's right, our office just got an email from ABA Leisure presenting their wine club and wine store (via The unsolicited email promises "curated" wines for "all palates and budgets," and if you're the type that doesn't need monthly deliveries of booze to your doorstep, there's also a store for one-off purchases.

Lest you think the ABA is encouraging alcoholism, don't you worry: in size 2 font (estimating) at the bottom of the email, the ABA advises you to "Drink Responsibly."

Halloween is a special time of year, when you can finally come to your law office dressed however you like -- within reason, of course.

In the interest of public service for our fellow legal professionals, we'd like to offer some advice on things you should, and should not, do when dressing up for work this Halloween:

1. Do Make Your Costume Law-Related.

With over a thousand years of legal tradition, you should come to work dressed as something law-related, like a judge or -- heaven forbid -- a law-related pun like "Commerce Claus" or "Habeas Corpses." Justice Scalia might make a good costume, and, as always, you can still go as Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer.

Women Lawyers Group Urges Death Penalty for NBC's 'Bad Judge'

Let's be clear: NBC's "Bad Judge" will probably not last more than one season. Our review of the half-hour legal comedy's pilot could be summed up in one word -- awful -- and we're not alone in our sentiments. More importantly for the network, the ratings are terrible.

If all that didn't ensure the show's demise, this might help: The Miami-Dade chapter of the Florida Association for Women Lawyers (FAWL) has sent a letter to the network, asking it to shelve the show, which it says "depicts a female judge as unethical, lazy, crude, hyper-sexualized, and unfit to hold such an esteemed position of power," reports the ABA Journal.