Greedy Associates: Humor Archives
Greedy Associates - The FindLaw Legal Lifestyle and Career Blog

Recently in Humor Category

I get it. I get Professor Ben Edelmen was frustrated. He ordered $53.35 worth of Chinese food from Sichuan Garden, a local restaurant. He was charged $57.35. Apparently, an out-of-date website was to blame.

Like I said, I get it. I tried to buy a keg of Pabst Blue Ribbon a few months back from a mom-and-pop liquor store up on the corner. Their website said $50. When I got there, they wanted $70 and refused to honor the price on their website, which the lady said that she didn't know how to update.

You know what I did? I went to BevMo. By contrast, Prof. Edelman of the Harvard Business School (who has a Ph.D., a J.D., a master's, and a bachelor's degree from Harvard) cited state consumer protection laws, demanded a half-off discount, and reported the restaurant to the authorities.

A while ago, we offered some advice on typography and typesetting, much of which we learned from reading Matthew Butterick's excellent book Typography for Lawyers. But we'd be remiss if we focused exclusively on the lawyer-end of readability. What about the courts? As the Seventh Circuit has made clear, it's thinking about typography and readability -- even as others aren't.

Here are some good (and not so good) alternatives to Times New Roman (TNR) we've seen in court opinions.

I don't even know where to start with this one: the "bar" puns or "lawyers are such alcoholics ..." trope that this feeds so well into.

The American [Legal] Bar Association has a wine club. That's right, our office just got an email from ABA Leisure presenting their wine club and wine store (via The unsolicited email promises "curated" wines for "all palates and budgets," and if you're the type that doesn't need monthly deliveries of booze to your doorstep, there's also a store for one-off purchases.

Lest you think the ABA is encouraging alcoholism, don't you worry: in size 2 font (estimating) at the bottom of the email, the ABA advises you to "Drink Responsibly."

Halloween is a special time of year, when you can finally come to your law office dressed however you like -- within reason, of course.

In the interest of public service for our fellow legal professionals, we'd like to offer some advice on things you should, and should not, do when dressing up for work this Halloween:

1. Do Make Your Costume Law-Related.

With over a thousand years of legal tradition, you should come to work dressed as something law-related, like a judge or -- heaven forbid -- a law-related pun like "Commerce Claus" or "Habeas Corpses." Justice Scalia might make a good costume, and, as always, you can still go as Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer.

Let's be clear: NBC's "Bad Judge" will probably not last more than one season. Our review of the half-hour legal comedy's pilot could be summed up in one word -- awful -- and we're not alone in our sentiments. More importantly for the network, the ratings are terrible.

If all that didn't ensure the show's demise, this might help: The Miami-Dade chapter of the Florida Association for Women Lawyers (FAWL) has sent a letter to the network, asking it to shelve the show, which it says "depicts a female judge as unethical, lazy, crude, hyper-sexualized, and unfit to hold such an esteemed position of power," reports the ABA Journal.

At Greedy Associates, we love it when lawyers behave badly, whether it's a history of torture porn or dressing up like Thomas Jefferson to defend themselves from ineffective assistance claims. But an attorney "conspiring with his (attorney) wife to frame a school volunteer by planting drugs in her car," as the Orange County Register described it, is a new experience for us.

Kent and Jill Easter were both lawyers in Irvine, California, located in one of the state's Republican strongholds, Orange County. Apparently, a school volunteer, Kelli Peters, briefly left the Easters' son alone at school. The Easters also misinterpreted the volunteer's comment about the son being "slow to line up" as a comment on his intelligence.

OK, no big deal, right?

In honor of National Dictionary Day, we're pleased to offer a sequel to last year's post about words only federal judges use. These are words that you'd be hard pressed to find outside judicial opinions or the legal environment -- because, for some reason, lawyers like using archaic and complex language.

1. Pellucid.

Sounds like: Lucid, but with some pells before it (whatever those are).

Made cool by: Fellow blogger William Peacock's favorite judge, Bruce Selya of the First Circuit, describing how crystal-clear a trial court judge was when explaining to a defendant that he was waiving a right to appeal as part of his plea agreement.

It means: "Admitting light without diffusion or distortion."

Synonym: Clear.

Halloween is quickly approaching, and the closer it gets, the harder it's going to be to find that "Iron Man" costume you desperately wanted. But being that you're a lawyer, you should make your costume legal-themed. Because why not? When everyone else is coming as a sexy velociraptor*, you'll win the prize for originality.

* Author's note: "sexy velociraptor" was initially written as a joke, but I Googled it out of curiosity and, sure enough, this online costume store offers five "sexy dinosaur" costumes, including a "sexy Barney" costume. Because of course they do.

Lawyers drink. Lawyers drive. A lawyer getting arrested and accused of a DUI ordinarily isn't news.

But Rosanna Heinrichs, 27, of Louisville, Kentucky, just allegedly completed the hat trick of stupidity: On Sunday, she was pulled over for swerving while driving. According to police, she was driving while distracted by her attempts to order Domino's Pizza on her smartphone after drinking.

She admitted to both acts: drinking a half-bottle of wine and a beer before driving and to ordering third-rate pizza on her smartphone, reports Louisville's WDRB-TV. Let's recount her alleged sins, not in judgment or mockery, but as a means to learn from her unfortunate mistakes:

If you haven't heard, Shonda Rhimes, the artist behind "Grey's Anatomy," "Private Practice," and "Scandal," just came out with a law school/legal defense drama: "How To Get Away With Murder." It was the most intrigiuing of our Fall TV/Legal Drama Preview.

It's 1L year. Professor Kingsfield Keating is teaching Criminal Law, or as she likes to call it, "How To Get Away With Murder"! And instead of sticking to the boring Socratic Method, she's going for experiential learning. The best of her 879 (estimated) students will get to work for her criminal defense firm. And, of course, there's a murder case for the first episode.

How does the show stack up in terms of 1L year, real-life law, and Hollywood screenwriting tricks? (Spoilers to follow. Also, some of this will only make sense if you watch the show.)