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Incompetence and Beyond: 3 Surefire Ways to Get Disbarred

Lawyers get a bad rap for being scheming crooks, but that's mostly for over-zealous advocacy, which is perfectly legal. On the other hand, there are a few surefire ways to ruin a good reputation and welcome-in early retirement. For example, these three actions will basically guarantee disbarment:

The Golden Age of Television continues, with How to Get Away With Murder at its vanguard. Yesterday's episode featured two court proceedings, as many dead bodies, and a very chemistry-free Sapphic love scene.

In typical HTGAWM fashion, they got most of the law wrong. But it made for great, if stupefying, TV. Here's your spoiler-filled recap:

Taboo Tabou isn't just any Chicago sex shop. There's a certain refinement, a sophistication if you will, that one must bring when entering this purveyor of crotchless panties, silicone third legs and Japanese neck massagers.

So when Cook County prosecutor Sarah Naughton showed up, feeling naughty but also spitting, sputtering and stumbling about after a day of drinking, the ladies of Taboo Tabou asked her to leave. When that didn't work, they dragged her butt to the curb. The rest of Naughton's naughty night is happily preserved on YouTube, police reports and, now, an agreement to have her license suspended.

She can't buy you a drink, but she could put you behind bars. Robyn Crawford was sworn into the Florida Bar last Thursday at the tender young age of 20. Crawford will be working as an associate state attorney -- after graduating from Cooley Law School, no less.

So, how did this legal Doogie Howser get into the state bar before being legally allowed into an actual bar?

It was a case of attempted murder by soup and the attorney knew all along. That's the gist of a new lawsuit against Bowling Green, Kentucky, lawyer John Deeb. According to Dewayne Reid, his wife tried to poison him with her minestrone soup. It wasn't just her poor cooking skills that would have done him in, either. The minestrone was also flavored with a few handfuls of Lorcet and Xanax.

Reid alleges that Deeb knew about the plan a week in advance and not only failed to take any action, but discouraged others from reporting the soupsicious plot.

Attorneys visiting clients in Portland, Maine, jails can breathe a sigh of relief: they no longer have to remove their bras to get in to the jail. The change came after two attorneys' underwire bras set off the jail metal detector. The women were told to remove their underwear if they wanted to get in to see their clients. Both declined.

After one attorney, Amy Fairfield, reported the incident, Sheriff Kevin Joyce originally defended the policy as a simple safety requirement. "There is no way (for a metal detector) to differentiate people with underwire bras and someone bringing in a gun," the sheriff said. Thankfully, he seems to have changed his mind.

Judges tend to be a staid sort. On the bench, they're meant to be sober, serious-minded, impartial. For the most part, their life outside the court reflects this. Justice Scalia, for example, goes wild by hunting. Ruth Bader Ginsburg parties down at the opera.

Then there are the judges who have hobbies that are truly out of the ordinary. Awesome, weird, awesomely weird, these jurists spend their off hours pretending to be goblins, playing air bongos, and more.

Two years ago, the Pew Research Center announced that lawyers were the most hated professionals in America. No surprise there -- very few people think their ex's divorce attorney was just a committed professional doing the best for her client.

But for all the hate, there are plenty of lawyers that are deeply loved. And it's not just the usual suspects like politicians and judges. A good handful of movie stars, singers, and comedians can tack on a JD after their name.

I can still remember when Party of the First Part and I fell in love. Our eyes met across the court room aisle and I knew he would be mine -- so I drafted a dating contract and got ready to negotiate. Let me tell you, there was some very valid consideration.

Of course, none of that is true because I'm not a sociopath. We can't say the same thing for all lawyers. One struggling Don Juan, Esq., was unfortunate enough to have his three page dating contract passed along to Above the Law. Apparently, the lawyer's lover didn't take the confidentiality clause very seriously.

Legal ethics and musical theater, a match made in heaven? Well, not exactly, but at least one troupe of lawyers is looking to make legal ethics CLE programs a little less monotonous and a lot more entertaining by taking a note from Broadway.

A group of Texas lawyers calling themselves the Ethics Follies has been putting on musical legal ethics performances for years. Their most recently production was a riff off Monty Python's Spamalot, entitled, appropriately, Scamalot.