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Tired of BigLaw? Become a Reality TV Host!

For associates and partners who need a break from BigLaw life, you're in luck: producers are looking for an "everyday lawyer" to host a reality TV show.

GRB Entertainment, a Los Angeles production company, is producing a U.S. version of the BBC TV show, "The Legalizer," according to the ABA Journal. The U.K. show teaches consumers how the Small Claims Court process works and how they can fight for their rights.

So do you have what it takes to be a breakout reality TV host?

Know, first, who you are; and then adorn yourself accordingly.

-- Epictetus

It seems we've come to a crossroads in the legal industry, both within our ranks and amongst our clientele. The issue is fashion and it is not going away any time soon, apparently.

On one end of the spectrum, we have attorneys preaching the merits of $20,000 watches, multi-point pocket squares, and, of course, the three-piece suit. And on the other, we have clients showing up to court with exposed underwear, pajama pants, and in one extreme case, a crack spoon tied around his or her neck.

It might be time for a little self-reflection.

Cease-and-desist letters are an everyday thing for owners of intellectual property, especially since the advent of the Internet. A site shares content without permission, and you, young lawyer, must convince them to take it down immediately.

It sounds simple, right? Just write a letter, recite some law, and the site owner will see the light or be scared into submission. And yet, the simple cease-and-desist task is so often botched, that at least once a month, a bad letter makes the rounds on the law blogs.

Learn from their mistakes, grasshopper.

The dominos continue to fall in the wake of famed tort law pioneer and "Master of Disaster" Stanley Chesley's career-ending unreasonable fee scandal. Months after being disbarred in Kentucky, and resigning from the Ohio state bar, Chesley voluntarily resigned from the United States Supreme Court's rolls.

It all started with a fee paid out in mass class action Fen-Phen litigation. Chesley walked away with $20 million of a $200 million settlement. His fellow attorneys were convicted of criminal charges for bilking even more. In the end, the 440 members of the class received only $74 million, instead of the $135 million due.

Ted Cruz is a polarizing figure, misunderstood by many, but a profile of the conservative Texas senator from his Harvard Law School days paints a clear portrait of someone we all know: the gunner.

From raising his hand constantly in class, to setting his eyes on a Supreme Court clerkship before school even started, his path seemed to be that of the gunner -- one who is destined to either do great things, or become the impotent small-town prosecutor that presses for decades in prison for jaywalking.

He's now Senator Ted Cruz and a potential presidential candidate. What was he like back then?

It's easy to mock the orange-tinted, double-parking, Tom Ford-wearing, real life incarnations of the flashy Saul Goodman from Breaking Bad. With neon ties, and poor tans, they can often look like clowns, and to the more "white shoe" elements of our profession, they exist as a parody.

Then again, after laughing at Stuart V. Goldberg, and enjoying the Internet's mockery of his appearance, we read about him. And if his autobiographical narrative is even close to reality, perhaps we can learn to admire him, sans the tan.

At FindLaw, we're a little tired of the negative "lawyers are sharks" jokes, so we're reclaiming the word. As Run-DMC would say, it's "Not bad meaning bad, but bad meaning good."

When people are making all those jokes, they seem to forget that lawyers are also the people defending their civil liberties. So, in honor of the Discovery Channel's Shark Week, we thought it would be fun to highlight some of the most bad-ass lawyer sharks throughout history.

Despite making hefty salaries, including a reported $300,000 annually during his final pre-prison BigLaw stop as an associate at Wilson Sonsini, Matthew Kluger admits that he was simply greedy.

Now, thanks to that greed, his broken oaths as a lawyer, and the longest running insider trading scheme in United States history, he’ll spend the next 12 years in prison. The Third Circuit affirmed his record-breaking sentence yesterday, leaving little hope of reversal absent a rehearing or a SCOTUS miracle.

Let's set the scene here. Omar Loureiro was the defendant in a first-degree capital murder case. He was accused of near-decapitation of a man he met in a bar, though he claimed that he was fending off an unwanted sexual advance.

Presiding over the trial was the Honorable Judge Ana Gardiner, the first female Hispanic judge in Florida. Appearing before her, on behalf of the State of Florida was then-Assistant State Attorney Howard Scheinberg. The jury convicted Loureiro and recommended the death penalty, which Gardiner imposed.

You thought you'd go to school, graduate, pay off your debts, buy a Maserati, and life would basically be perfect. Instead, you're hustling cases out of your bedroom, hoping that clients pay their bills, or better yet, that some firm will scoop you up for $40k per year.

Like we said, it ain't working out. How about becoming a musician? Either way, you'll be broke. At least as a musician, you'll be a "struggling artist" instead of an "unemployed attorney."