Legal Grounds - FindLaw Legal Humor Blog

Legal Grounds - The FindLaw Legal News with an Attitude Blog


This week, a Wyoming woman was arrested after she operated a forklift under the influence of alcohol. Late in the evening in Cheyenne, Wyoming, neighbors contacted local police to report that a woman was moving a large white van with a forklift, while drinking a beer. If the scene sounds like a sort of comedy of errors, the photo of the FUI in action confirms it.

The 49-year-old forklift operator told police that she needed to move the van from one side of her driveway to the other, but she could not find the keys. Since she works at the Wyoming State Forestry Division, she had access to the giant, state-owned, forklift, and since she was well over the legal BAC limit, she probably decided it was an okay idea to use the state owned forklift to move her van.

It's impossible to tell whether the van was damaged, but the picture looks like the van will have a few scars from that wild ride. Fortunately, no people were injured as a result of the lapse in forklift operation protocols.

Practically unknown rapper Montana Millz, who sings the song 'Sell Drugz,' was arrested last week for selling drugs. In what has to be more than simply a coincidence, the rap artist's drug-friendly tune is about how he and his accomplices are now doing financially well because of selling drugs.

Millz, also known as Michael Persaud, was arrested along with an accomplice Tiffany Irizarry, in Lebanon, Pennsylvania after selling heroin to an undercover cop. Persaud had been under investigation for nearly a month when he was arrested and sold approximately 70 bags of heroin to the undercover cop during that time. When the police raided the rapper's motel room, they found over two ounces of heroin.

While there is not actually a professional job as a tenant, James Regan and others like him have earned the moniker due to their ability to abuse eviction laws. Regan, a 62-year-old mustachioed man from Toronto, Canada, has been living in upscale Toronto apartments since 2014 without paying any rent. The Toronto resident is facing his third eviction since 2014 for not paying rent, and despite his best efforts to fire the hearing officer, it looks all but certain that the eviction will be upheld on appeal.

While he has been evicted three times since 2014, that hasn't phased him one bit. He's a professional! While fending off the legal system after each eviction attempt (all part of a day's work), he was able to maintain possession of his units (rent free!). Naturally, Regan claims he's not abusing the system.

Yep. Yeah. Uh-huh. You can totally get fired if you decide it's a good idea to turn up N.W.A.'s "F* Tha Police" as a few officers stroll into your restaurant to eat. It won't help matters to dance, laugh, and sing along when a deputy comes over to ask you about it. And it certainly won't help your case if that same deputy happens to be a regular customer and know the restaurant's owner, while you are just a lowly dishwasher.

So yeah, sorry dude. Good luck with the job hunt after that.

Harris Faulkner, the toy hamster, is no longer going to be sold thanks to Harris Faulkner, the Fox news anchor that sued for $5 million because Hasbro made a toy that accidently shared the same name as ... what was her name again? The popular toy was sold as part of the Littlest Pet Shop line of toys, where adorable little plastic animals are designed for children to obsess over until their parents buy them.

In the news anchor's 2015 complaint, Faulkner alleged that the little plastic doll had caused her both commercial and emotional damages. In July of this year, the court dismissed Hasbro's motion to dismiss the complaint, explaining that the allegation that Hasbro used the same name was sufficient to allow the lawsuit to be heard by the court.

It's been a long strange piss for San Francisco's first open-air public urinal, also known as a pissoir. Installed earlier this year as Dolores Park was undergoing renovations, the concrete circle, complete with drain and semicircular concrete splash guard, attracted quite a few visitors and quite a bit of media attention. It also garnered one lawsuit that claimed "[t]he open-air urination hole violates the privacy of those who need to use the restroom but would be required to expose their bodies and suffer the shame and degradation of urinating in public view."

That "be required" part was a bit of a stretch, seeing as how the park also provided 26 private, enclosed bathrooms. But a San Francisco judge has decided that the entire lawsuit is much ado about micturation and ruled that the pissoir is not a civil rights violation.

First, they came for our never-ending supply of breakfast cocktails ... Yes, the bottomless mimosa, that staple of brunch from sea to drunken sea, is apparently illegal in the Lone Star state.

How is this even possible? To what beverage shall we now turn when our hangovers need nursing? The Bloody Mary? The *gasp* Michelada? Oh, the humanity!!

Tamar Hage was horrified to learn that a bare-breasted photo of her had been used in Seattle alt weekly The Stranger's 'Drunk of the Week' feature last December. Especially considering she had been 2,000 miles away at the purported time of the photo, celebrating her grandmother's 90th birthday in Pittsburgh. So she did what anyone else in her position would do -- she sued the magazine for invasion of privacy and emotional distress.

But that's where the straightforward lawsuit goes sideways. The Stranger never identified the woman in the photo by name, and the photo may not be of Hage at all.

Colorado legalized recreational marijuana use a few years ago and neighbors of the Rocky Mountain State lost their collective minds. Nebraska and Oklahoma sued Colorado, hoping the Supreme Court would clamp down on the state's new pot laws. And apparently Kansas cops have just been pulling over every car with Colorado plates, claiming that just having license plates from a weed-legal state was grounds for detention and search.

But the Tenth Circuit Court of Appeals isn't buying it, nor was it buying two Kansas Highway Patrol officers' claims of immunity for calling drug-sniffing dogs to a traffic stop, just because the driver had Colorado plates.

To what lengths must a man go to be banned from ordering pizza? What must he do to never get delivery again? How bad must he be for a judge to write: "Defendant shall refrain from calling any pizza establishment... or his bond shall be revoked?"

Randy Riddle, resident of Sebastian, Florida, plumbed those depths recently, and now must live a pie-less life, devoid of anchovies, all the meat a meat-lover would love, and cheese-injected crusts; a life so empty, only a two-foot-long Big Flavor Dipper could fill it. Riddle me this, Mr. Riddle: what did you do to deserve such a fate?