Legal Grounds - FindLaw Legal Humor Blog

Legal Grounds - The FindLaw Legal News with an Attitude Blog


Drunk Parents Did Not Drive, Gave Wheel to Child

We all know we are not supposed to drive drunk anymore, as Helen Mirren's Super Bowl ad for Budweiser reminded us in no uncertain terms. "The collective we are dumbfounded that people still drive drunk," Mirren said.

But what should the "collective we" make of a Wisconsin couple that allowed their 9-year-old-daughter to drive them and an 11-month-old baby because they were too drunk to drive? The couple pled not guilty to charges of reckless endangerment of a child last week, Reuters reports, and indeed no one was hurt.

PA Judge Bans PJs in Court

The fashion police in Catawissa Township apparently don't appreciate a nice pair of pajama bottoms like the rest of us. Or at least the judges in the Columbia County District Court don't. Magisterial District Judge Craig Long posted a sign in the lobby outside his courtroom, reading, "PAJAMAS ARE NOT APPROPRIATE ATTIRE FOR DISTRICT COURT."

Well excuse us, Mr. Justice of the Chic, we didn't expect to take fashion advice from someone who put on a robe to come to work today.

A Dallas, Texas father was acquitted of theft charges after he confiscated his daughter's phone. Ronald Jackson was facing misdemeanor theft charges for taking his 12-year-old daughter's cell phone in September 2013 after finding inappropriate texts on the phone.

Those are the standard facts of the case and that's the easy way to write it up: "Stern dad vindicated by jury." But oh, you'd miss all of the juiciest details.

If you've pled not guilty to vehicular manslaughter, googling "How do fugitives escape?" while out on bail sure doesn't make you look innocent. But millionaire Sean Ludwick probably has bigger things to worry about right now than how he looks. Namely, whether he'll ever get out of prison again after a judge was alerted to his actions and denied him bail.

And if Ludwick is adding to his Things-Not-to-Do-When-Charged-With-a-Crime list, perhaps he should add, "Try and buy a boat from an off-duty FBI agent in Puerto Rico."

If you're going to have sex with your high school teacher, you probably want to get it on tape. After all, your friends might not believe you if you just told them. So maybe you record it on your cell phone and share it with a few or eleven of your friends.

This would actually be a bad idea. Because, unless you had the teacher's permission to tape the encounter, you may have just committed a felony. And that teacher might sue you.

Ever been tagged in a less-than-flattering Facebook photo? If so, you can imagine Donald A. "Chip" Pugh's pain when police posted the Ohio man's mugshot to social media: "They put a picture that made me look like I was a Thundercat or something."

We feel you, Chip. And we probably would've done the same thing and sent the police department a better looking selfie.

Gold, frankincense, and myrrh are nothing compared to some dank Purple Kush or sticky Strawberry Cough. So while the Biblical Magi may have been kind to baby Jesus, the volunteers for Cannabis Can were the real heroes when they gave free joints to Denver's homeless for Christmas.

We're not sure whether those joints contained some sweet, sweet Sour Diesel or fuzzy Super Silver Haze, but we're pretty sure the presents were appreciated. "Merry Christmas and a puff puff, New Year's," one woman told volunteers while accepting a joint.

Just as the Ivy League only exists to churn out investment bank employees and yacht consumers, and the Southeastern Conference is really just a de facto minor league for the NFL, Washington D.C.'s budding marijuana industry is getting into the education business. Less than a year after legalizing recreational marijuana, the District's first smoking school has opened its doors.

The D.C. School of Mary Jane will guide greenhorns to the sticky green in the ways of legal weed, from the drug's history to its health benefits.

To some, Gollum was "a small slimy creature," bent by obsession and greed. To others, he was a tortured soul whose tragic corruption ultimately leads to victory. While most are free to disagree about one of J. J. R. Tolkien's more notorious characters, not so for Bilgin Ciftci, who faces two years in a Turkish prison for comparing the country's president to the twisted fictional being.

If Gollum is a bad guy, Ciftci could be guilty of "insulting a public official;" if he's a good guy, Ciftci could beat the charge. So who decides?

When 19-year-old Sarah Furay was arrested after police found 31.5 grams of cocaine, 126 grams of marijuana, 29 ecstasy tablets, 60 doses of a drug similar to LSD, and methamphetamine in her apartment, she took a smiling mug shot and was dubbed the "World's Most Adorable Drug Kingpin." When it was discovered that she was the daughter of a DEA agent, the story looked even more like a farce.

But after spending just one day in jail and posting what appears to be a minimal bond amount, many are questioning whether she's receiving preferential treatment and may walk on the drug charges altogether.