Legal Grounds - FindLaw Legal Humor Blog

Legal Grounds - The FindLaw Legal News with an Attitude Blog


To what lengths must a man go to be banned from ordering pizza? What must he do to never get delivery again? How bad must he be for a judge to write: "Defendant shall refrain from calling any pizza establishment... or his bond shall be revoked?"

Randy Riddle, resident of Sebastian, Florida, plumbed those depths recently, and now must live a pie-less life, devoid of anchovies, all the meat a meat-lover would love, and cheese-injected crusts; a life so empty, only a two-foot-long Big Flavor Dipper could fill it. Riddle me this, Mr. Riddle: what did you do to deserve such a fate?

A former Cedar Rapids, Iowa substitute teacher is claiming the local school district knew full well she was sexually involved with a student and ignored the relationship in an effort to avoid embarrassment. Mary Beth Haglin, who has been charged with sexual exploitation of a minor, claims the Cedar Rapids Community School District "turned a blind eye because they wanted to protect their school."

So does that make the school or the school district complicit in her crimes?

Some TV shows will bill episodes as pulled straight from the headlines. But one Kentucky man reversed that popular trope when he tried to haul over 10,000 bottles and cans through three states just to get the recycling deposit. Eagle-eyed Seinfeld fans might remember that little gambit -- Kramer and Newman tried the same scam in the show's seventh season.

And if those guys can't pull it off, what hope do the rest of us have?

Yes you can. If you're flying down a Barcelona street and manage not to get caught in the act, apparently. One disabled daredevil tested the limits of traffic enforcement in the Catalonia capital recently and got away scot-free, so far.

So is this brave soul a commute revolutionary or a cautionary tale? Let's take a look.

We are a nation of laws, and even in tough times we consider our commitment to the rule of law to define us. Even if someone is saying something we don't like, we respect their First Amendment right to say it. Even if we think someone is guilty, they are still entitled to Fourth Amendment protections against unreasonable search and seizure and Sixth Amendment rights to a fair trial. This commitment may be why it's fun to imagine a world where we don't follow the law for a little while.

If you haven't seen the movies by now, you've probably seen a preview or three, or heard "The Purge" was coming to your town for real. The basic premise of the film (and its two sequels) is that, for 12 straight hours per year, all crime is legal and all emergency services will be unavailable. Billed as a civic tradition in the movie's timeline, it has the effect of reducing crime and unemployment. Beyond the wistful, "wouldn't it be fun to run around and do whatever you want for a day" fantasy, could suspending all laws temporarily even be legal?

Another adventure in the ongoing saga of legalized marijuana: today’s episode comes straight from Happy — too happy? — Valley, Oregon, where 18-year-old Alan Alcantara, who could not look any more stoned in his mugshot, drove himself and a friend to the Stumptown Cannabis dispensary at 1:05 a.m. Sunday morning. Sorry, no, he drove himself and a friend into the Stumptown Cannabis dispensary at 1:05 a.m. Sunday morning.

The most shocking part of Alcantara’s tale? He might’ve been high.

Maybe you have the physique of an Olympic swimmer. Or, at least you have the confidence of someone with the physique of an Olympic swimmer. Either way, you know you look good in a thong and you want other people to know you look good in a thong. Now that it's officially summer, you're probably thinking it's time for a "sun's out, buns out" day at your local public pool. Well, you might want to rethink that one.

Police removed a Kansas man from a public pool for sunbathing in a thong. And it wasn't his first time, either.

Tokyo’s The Amrita, a nude pop-up restaurant, doesn’t even open its doors until next month, and it’s already causing quite a controversy. No, not because it purports to offer diners a “naked” eating experience. It’s because the restaurant will supposedly ban old, overweight, and inked-up patrons.

A similar prohibition in the U.S. might invite a few discrimination lawsuits. But those could be the least of a nude restaurant’s worries. Here are a few other legal concerns for naked dining establishments:

Blind Man Caught Driving Sees Footage at Disability Hearing

Have you ever wished you could get paid to do nothing? One man figured out a way, but now he is paying, sentenced to five years in prison for fraud after pretending to be blind to obtain $1.3 million in disability benefits. The man was blinded in one eye in a workplace incident in 2006, reports ABC News, but it turned out his vision was not totally impaired after all.

At a disability hearing, John Caltabiano, who claimed not to see, was shown footage taken by investigators revealing he could drive, read, and politely hold open doors. Good thing he has his vision because he'll have a lot of reading time in prison.

Nothing is life is free. Not lunch, not HBO, not even love. And definitely not hugs. So while a sign saying "Free Hugs" might seem like an altruistic act of simple kindness, you better be ready to tip the man carrying that sign, or face an assault.

At least, that can be the case in Times Square, where Jermaine Himmelstein was recently arrested (for the 17th time) and charged with robbery after punching a Canadian tourist in Times Square after she took him up on his offer of free hugs. So how did a friendly sign and the world's friendliest country turn into a felony?