Legal Grounds - FindLaw Legal Humor Blog

Legal Grounds - The FindLaw Legal News with an Attitude Blog


The entire point of a Snuggie -- beyond being the signature garment of our cultural descent into the moral abyss between the couch cushions -- is that it is both a blanket and clothes. Instead of peeking your arms into the real world, wearing long sleeves indoors, or even just putting your bath robe on backwards, you can purchase an ambiguous fleece amalgamation in designs sure to put your sloth on display, like the world's worst invisibility cloak.

But no longer will the greatest minds of our generation struggle with the Snuggie's internal conflict, now that the United States Court of International Trade has had its say. Snuggies are officially blankets, and we're officially getting back under one to binge away the pain.

"My client was the victim of a bug in an application. The bug has caused him problems in his private life." While probably true, these are most likely not the words that are going to save your marriage. Also generally not a winning legal argument, but you can always try.

Those are the words of one man's lawyer, after his client's wife kept getting Uber alerts on her phone about his whereabouts. Apparently she was less than pleased with those whereabouts, and the two have divorced. Now he's suing Uber for almost $50 million over the glitch.

There is a well-understood if little-discussed quid pro quo when it comes to political campaign contributions: people and businesses give their money to candidates they feel will best represent their interests. Generally this entails voting how they would vote when it comes to pending legislation. But what about when elected officials have to vote on their campaign donors specifically?

As Vice reported, many (if not all) of President Donald Trump's picks for cabinet positions were major contributors to campaigns for senators who are now tasked with confirming those picks. Unsurprisingly, this doesn't sit too well with those who might feel these donors have now bought a senator's confirmation vote. So how can the average citizen compete with the vast resources that Trump's choices for cabinet positions bring to the political arena? GoFundMe, of course.

One of the drawbacks for filing for patents is that those patents, when issued, become public documents. And for a company as secretive as Apple, that means a whole lot of people getting glimpses of your new tech and then guessing what it could be used for.

So when the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office published a patent application from Apple for what appears to be vaporizer technology, the natural speculation was that the tech company was trying to cash in on booming cannabusiness. But is Apple really trying to make a pot-friendly iPhone? Or an air freshener?

We've all been there before -- with an ex that makes you so miserable, it has to be a crime, right? Or at least a violation of the state constitution? Well, brave Iowan Tim Le finally had the courage to bring that claim to court, and his claim was roundly rejected.

So what was Tim's ex doing that was unconstitutionally awful?

When you're drunk, you're already not thinking clearly. And if you're trying to drive drunk, you're really making some bad life choices.

The combo of drinking and driving often produces some comedic results (as long as everyone involved is uninjured), including intoxicated people operating some weird vehicles to concocting some odd excuses for driving drunk. And these are three of the funniest DUI arrests in the past few months:

For every villain trying to blame a DUI on his pet squirrel or hastily fake a black ice-laced intersection, there are intoxicated heroes among us, willing to drive themselves drunk right up to the police station in an effort to turn themselves in.

And to these brave souls, Norman Boiselle of Old Mystic, Connecticut, who called the police to report that he was driving drunk and had crashed into a snowbank, we say, "Bravo!" And also, "You're under arrest."

Even the smallest of small businesses have social media policies these days. The platforms are far too public to abide by any gaffes, lest your rep be forever tarnished by the loose fingers of an unpaid intern. So it's no surprise that government agencies have strict Twitter rules that require multiple layers of writing, proofing, editing, and approval before anyone even considers clicking "Tweet."

But, as anyone who's kept an eye on the previous election can attest, that seems like about four or five more thoughts than President-elect Donald Trump gives before firing off his social media missives. So will the Twitterer-in-Chief adhere to some common sense principles when managing his social media presence once he's sworn in? Don't hold your breath.

Whether you'll get pinched for puttering around drunk in a wheelchair may depend on where you're operating and whether the court considers you a pedestrian. In Ohio, for example, you can absolutely get a DUI in a wheelchair. But in Oregon, you might be considered a pedestrian if you slam your motorized wheelchair into the side of a truck while crossing the street, and thus, no DUI.

Such was the case of one James Richard Greene of Lincoln County ...

If the thought of posing for the DMV without your "spiritual antenna" scares you more than walking around in public naked, we have some welcome news out of Millinocket, Maine. Goat horns are now considered religious attire, and, as long as they don't obscure your face, you're free to wear them when you get your driver's license photo snapped.

"Many practicing Pagans are afraid of being public," Phelan Moonsong told the Washington Post, "but when they see my horns it reminds them it's okay to be yourself." Now, anyone who checks his driver's license will get the same reminder.