White House No-Fly Zone Enforced by Commander-in-Chief Himself

A common house fly found itself in the rare air of the White House this week, but paid the ultimate price for lingering too long in the presence of the President. And the incident unleashed PETA's hair-trigger (actually made entirely of faux-fur) outrage, as the group tried to ensure that the next fly receives a Presidential pardon.

When Obama sat down for an interview with CNBC's John Harwood on Wednesday, the normally unflappable Commander-in-Chief became distracted by a fly buzzing around his head.

The bug landed on his arm, and that's when the President paused to gather himself in dead-still concentration, then delivered a death blow in a blur of crisp white shirt cuff and blue coat sleeve.

'To Protect and to Serve...and to Overreact'

If you're a police officer, Hollywood has blessed (or cursed) you with a rich history of role models, decades worth of fictionalized examples to follow on TV and in film.

Today, Joe Friday is frowning beneath his fedora. Sonny Crockett just lowered his Ray-Bans to take a second, quizzical look. Even Detective Jimmy McNulty is appalled, and when he isn't inventing serial killers, he's drunk. All because a Virginia cop pulled his gun and killed an aggressive miniature Dachshund that was carrying a menacing 12 pounds on its stubby 11-year-old legs.

Plaintiff: 'Crunch Berries' Aren't Real Fruit
Judge: No #@!%

Four years is an entire term of office for a President of the United States. It's how long Michael Phelps has to wait between additions to his gold medal collection. Four years is high school. It's also the amount of time it took a California woman to learn that the "berries" in "Cap'n Crunch with Crunch Berries" cereal aren't an actual fruit, according to a lawsuit that was thrown out of a California court a few weeks back.

Plaintiff Janice Sugawara and her straight-faced attorneys brought false advertising, misrepresentation, and other consumer protection claims against PepsiCo (which owns Quaker), for allegedly making her believe that the "Crunch Berries" in the cereal are actual berries.

The lawsuit stopped short of accusing Cap'n Crunch of impersonating a military officer, but did seek an unspecified dollar amount and asked that the phrase "strawberry artificially flavored cereal" be placed prominently on the "Crunch Berries" cereal box.

17-Year-Old Junior Puts the 'High' into High School Assembly

Stoners often use the word "epic" to describe a noteworthy event. And "chutzpah" is derived from a Hebrew word for audacity. If you could combine the two (and you can't, trust us) you would get the only word that could accurately describe the actions of a student at a high school near Tacoma, Washington this week.

At a Peninsula High School assembly, while his peers were likely sending no-look text messages to each other in the bleachers and dreaming up their next clever Facebook status update, a junior giving a speech on the legalization of marijuana drove his point home by lighting up a joint.

It's Better to Have High-Fived and Lost Than Never to Have High-Fived at All

The high five is dated. Once the handshake's cool younger brother, it's now watching out the window from its room in the Home for the Aged Greetings & Celebratory Gestures, just down the hall from the doffed hat, as those whippersnappers the fist bump and the "bro hug" run rampant throughout most segments of society.

The decline in the high five's popularity may be due to the "putting yourself out there" vulnerability we've all felt, in those nervous seconds when the naked hand is raised and you're praying the move won't end in the High-Fiver's Worst Nightmare: getting left hanging. Just ask the El Paso school superintendent who last month was celebrating test scores by high-fiving a line-up of school principals, one of whom charged him with assault.