December 2010 Archives

What is the inevitable outcome of a botched vasectomy? That is right, a beautiful but unexpected baby.

So, who should be on the hook for the food, clothing, shelter, care and college education of that bouncing baby? Scott and Donnita Bassinger of Eugene, Oregon, say the doctor who performed the not-so-effective vasectomy should, and they are suing.

Don't think the Bassingers are suing because they are sorry to be the parents of their new baby boy. Quite the opposite, reports The Register-Guard. The surprised parents, who did not find out the vasectomy was, er, unsuccessful, until Donna became pregnant, are quite pleased by the birth. It is just that it is not what they were led to believe would be the outcome of a vasectomy.

A prison sentence is really no excuse to let oneself go. Former bodybuilder and convicted drug dealer Malcolm Alarmo King knows this much. His lesson book? Why, "Seinfeld's" Festivus religion, of course.

Festivus, the holiday first made famous on "Seinfeld," is a secular holiday that includes an unadorned aluminum pole and the "Airing of Grievances" and "Feats of Strength" as a unique form of religious celebration.

Inmate King somehow successfully argued for a prison meal change by citing "Seinfeld's" Festivus. Is seems Orange County jail officials reserve kosher meals for inmates that cite a religious need. 38-year-old King was unhappy with the salami-based prison food so naturally he cited Festivus as his religious backing for Kosher food. And he won, according to MSNBC. Not only did King receive Kosher meals while serving his time, he also gets double portions.

So, basically, for King to display his feats of strength, he had to first air his grievances to a judge.

"Another Festivus Miracle!" as Kramer certainly would say.

Look up in the cloud-covered sky! Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's ... it's sure as heck not Superman.

But in Seattle, it might just be Phoenix Jones the Guardian of Seattle. Phoenix is one of a group of self-anointed Seattle superheroes who are assisting police in their crime-fighting efforts. Phoenix and fellow crime fighters Buster Doe, Green Reaper, Gemini, No Name, Catastrophe, Thunder 88, and Penelope go forth armed with tasers, pepper spray and a code to live by:

To help fight crime in the streets of the Emerald City.

The superheroes are actually committed to fighting crime, according to a recent report by the Seattle Post-Intelligencer. Sadly, they are also so committed to the idea of the superhero identity, that one kind of gets in the way of the other. Example: the masks and capes so essential for superhero work convinced one eyewitness that the group pulling up at an area gas station (to fill up the Batmobile?) was there to rob it, not protect it.

Some Georgia business college students recently got extra lessons in criminal law, anatomy and potentially civil liability. The lesson came by way of part-time instructor, Raymond Devaughn Taylor, who inexplicably took off his clothes off while teaching at Kennesaw State University. He was arrested and charged with public indecency after a student reported the incident.

What must the students have been thinking as each layer of clothing came off? "I would think he's on drugs or something crazy," said Buddy Johnson, a student from the class.

Raymond Devaughn Taylor, 57, was arrested and released from jail on $5,000 bond. His mugshot is of legendary caliber, you should definitely take a look. University officials have said that Taylor no longer will be teaching at the college. "We took this issue very seriously when the student complaint was registered," said Arlethia Perry-Johnson, vice president of external affairs for the university.

Kurt Shore is an advertising man. So naturally he fancies himself quite clever. When a thief stole his MacBook computer out of his car, he decided to pursue the thief with a unique angle, by offering an ounce of pot as a reward. He also posted surveillance footage of the incident on YouTube.

I think Shore's idea is half baked. (Get it? I know, lame.) The ad says, "Reward. Fabulous drug stash." Then at the bottom there is an asterisk with the words "actual reward may vary." Is that what passes for clever these days? No wonder most advertisements make me want to gouge my eyes out.

Scandinavians are known for having very accepting, open societies. Laid back, you might say.

Well, either we dopey Americans have falsely lumped the Norwegians in with this far-north character analysis, or the citizens of that country are anything but laid back. Because, dear readers, something is truly rotten in the state of Norway.

Increasing monitoring at work has become a common problem addressed both here and in other countries. But last week, according to Britain's Daily Mail, things went a bit too far. A Norwegian boss reportedly is making his female employees wear red bracelets to indicate when it is that time of the month.

Evidently, this boss is so anal retentive about his employees' use of the facilities during working hours, he wants his female workers to be tagged to justify extra trips to the bathroom.