February 2011 Archives

Did you know that Asia represents the center of the worldwide condom network? Legitimate and illegitimate? Insert offensive population control joke here.

For those not in the know, in countries like Thailand, Malaysia and Japan, condoms are big money. They rake in over $12 billion a year, according to Slate. Which is why it comes as no surprise that 725,000 ultra-thin condoms went missing from a boat transporting a shipment from Malaysia to Japan. Condoms, Slate adds, that are 14% thinner than your average brand.

Dear Amsterdam Prostitutes,

Remember to pay your taxes.

Sincerely,

The Netherlands.

Prostitution is legal in The Netherlands, so it stands to reason that prostitutes have to pay taxes on their income. The Dutch government has stated that it plans to send tax authorities into the red light district in Amsterdam for a "business only" visit.

The Naked Cowboy is intent on protecting his brand. That's if you can call parading around Times Square in your underoos and cowboy gear a brand. This blogger prefers to call it a stripper fantasy gone awry. But that's beside the point, because the news feeds on the square are proclaiming that the "Naked Cowboy sues CBS."

So what's behind his newest lawsuit? For those who don't follow the litigious habits of the Naked Cowboy, he apparently trademarked his act at some point in the last decade. Fastidious in his protection of his brand, he seeks out infringers who dare to pay him homage. And this time he has his sight set on one of CBS' remaining daytime soap operas, The Bold and the Beautiful.

There may be a time and a place for everything, but when it comes to tripping acid and running around naked, perhaps 1:30 a.m. in Key West is not the time and Highway U.S. 1 not the place for such shenanigans. Especially if you want to avoid being tasered three times and arrested on charges of disturbing the peace and resisting arrest.

Unfortunately for a naked tourist by the name of Richard Gervasi, that lesson came far too late. Gervasi, was arrested in Key West, Florida after going on a bit of a bender and screaming, "I am king of the world," while naked. He also said that he was "made of steel," the Miami-Herald reports. To his eternal credit, it took his majesty three hits from the taser before he gave up. After the first shot, he actually pulled the prongs out of his skin and kept ranting. LSD is a helleva drug.

How's this for weak?

Fort Wayne opened up online voting for the name of a new government center. The runaway favorite is Harry Baals, who won four terms in the 1930's and 1950's, the Associated Press reports.

However, Deputy Mayor Beth Malloy says that they probably won't name the new government center the Harry Baals Government Center because people might make fun of them. The name is pronounced like "balls" which is apparently just too much to take. For some reason that wasn't a problem back in the 30's or 50's.

Forget procreation, sometimes you just have to wonder whether certain people should even legally be allowed to have sex. Luckily for those people, the chance of an injunction against their bedroom activities are slim to none. Unless they live in the U.K.

Under British law, the Court of Protection can make important decisions for those who are considered not intelligent enough to do so for themselves. Recently, the Court walked into something a little bit stickier than it bargained for when it took away sex from a man with a low IQ.

Bean, beans, the musical fruit:

The more you eat, the more you toot.

Unfortunately for the people of Malawi, where beans are a common food staple, time has proven this old playground rhyme true.

While people in the United States are up in arms over the recent smoking ban in New York parks and beaches, citizens of Malawi are being legitimately attacked by the air quality police. And the farting police. Parliament is considering what is now known as the "Malawi farting law." That's right, ripping one in public may soon be illegal in the bean-loving nation.