If there's one thing that regular readers of this blog know, it's that you don't mess with grannies.
But one naked burglar in Manchester, New Hampshire failed to get the memo, finding himself on the receiving end of a baseball bat early Sunday morning after a 70-year-old grandmother found him naked in her home.
Apparently he was also munching on a sandwich.
Be careful what you text: you may get arrested for texting. In fact, a Pennsylvania woman was recently arrested for a "jerk" text.
Kimberly Bush, 45, sent a text to her ex-boyfriend late Friday night.
There was no threat. There was no accompanying, menacing voicemail. Just one word: "jerk." And, with that one syllable, it seems that Bush was able to strike a deep chord of fear within her ex-boyfriend, David Gosnell, Sr.
New Jersey partygoers Jeffrey Olson, 21, and Ryan Letchford, 22, got a little more than they bargained for early Saturday night while hanging out at a friend's house in Radnor, Pennsylvania.
In a fit of drunken revelry, the pair broke into a police van.
And then they couldn't get out.
They've since been charged with attempt to commit theft from a motor vehicle, public drunkenness, and criminal mischief.
An Austrian "Pasatafarian," Niko Alm, has the right to wear a pasta strainer in his driver's license photo according to authorities.
Alm claims that he's a "Pastafarian," and adheres to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is partially founded on the belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. And, that the monster is quite powerful, but forgiving, welcoming all into the loving embrace of "His Noodly Appendage."
Still with us?
Apparently North Dakota is not a state.
Well, it probably is, but despite 122 years of statehood, the North Dakota Constitution still isn't quite right.
Flouting the requirements of the U.S. Constitution, the state's executive branch isn't required to swear allegiance to...the U.S. Constitution.
Damn federalism.
Three men from Linden, Michigan were arrested late last month after they were caught with a stolen alligator tied to the top of a Ford pick-up truck.
Though alcohol was involved, it's unclear why they broke into a local barn and captured the 14-foot flattened and stuffed creature.
However, it appears as though they wished to return him to his original habitat, as the trio was later found introducing the stolen alligator to the concept of off-roading.
The polite burglar is a rare breed, with most of them shirking their manners in favor of dispossessing homeowners of their beloved belongings.
But a woman in Vineland, New Jersey encountered a member of this endangered species last week, after coming home to find him looking for some guy named Greg.
By all accounts, the specimen was as polite as the species is rumored to be.
Stanley Baker paid for a 35-year-old parking ticket.
Baker, 89, paid the $1 fine as a joke according to his son, Fritz Baker, the Orlando Sentinel reports.
In fact, the ticket wasn't even his - he found it in a garage sale, according to the Orlando Sentinel.
