If there's one thing that regular readers of this blog know, it's that you don't mess with grannies.
But one naked burglar in Manchester, New Hampshire failed to get the memo, finding himself on the receiving end of a baseball bat early Sunday morning after a 70-year-old grandmother found him naked in her home.
Apparently he was also munching on a sandwich.
Known only as "Bonnie," the bat-baring granny woke up in the middle of the night only to find a naked man standing outside her second-floor bedroom, reports NECN-TV.
When he wouldn't leave, she grabbed a nearby baseball bat, started swinging, and then chased him off.
Well-versed in self-defense, Bonnie told NECN-TV that she was compelled to protect her 21-year-old grandson, and chose to aim for the naked burglar's four "vital areas."
I'm sure they were quite prominently displayed.
She also followed him as he grabbed his belongings and ran from her home partially clothed.
Turns out that the naked burglar had climbed in the kitchen window, stripped down in the bathroom, and made himself a sandwich before heading up the stairs.
The station reports that the only thing missing was the food.
And perhaps the burglar's dignity.
Should police find the sandwich-stealer, he likely won't be charged with a felony. Burglary is defined as the breaking and entering into a building with the intent to commit a felony therin.
Though the naked burglar exposed himself and stole $5 worth of sandwich fixings, these actions fall squarely into misdemeanor territory.
- 70-Year-Old Woman Chases Naked Intruder Out of Home (Fox News)
- Denied a Kiss, Fla. Woman, 92, Shoots Up Her Neighbor's House (FindLaw's Legally Weird)
- 'Marijuana Grannies': Senior Citizens Busted with 800 Plants (FindLaw's Legally Weird)