December 2012 Archives

Government bureaucrats are often criticized for "farting around," but never quite like this: A federal worker recently got a formal reprimand for farting in the workplace.

The unidentified Social Security Administration employee received a formal letter of discipline for "excessive workplace flatulence," reports The Huffington Post.

The five-page reprimand detailed the dates and times of the Baltimore-based employee's offenses. The letter stated that the worker's "uncontrollable flatulence" created an "intolerable" and "hostile" environment for coworkers.

If you believe the Mayan calendar, then December 21, 2012, may just be the end of the world.

Of course, not everyone agrees that existence will end or that a new "cosmic dawn" will rise. Even the Mayans don't think the end of days is coming this year, according to CNN. But there are a fair number of people who are bracing for the end, or at least thinking about the things they'd want to do before existence as we know it is snuffed out.

Sure it's a great excuse to take some chances and have a good time. But there are some things you probably don't want to do just in case the world is still there on December 22. For example:

No, this title is not quite as catchy as "How the Grinch Stole Christmas!", but that's why Dr. Seuss got the big bucks. At this time of year, children, it's not sugarplums that dance in legal bloggers' heads, it's whimsy such as: Exactly what crimes did the Grinch commit during his reign of terror over Whoville?

In other words, would a legally accurate title for the Great Seuss' work be:

"How the Grinch Committed Conspiracy, Trespass, Burglary, Domestic Terrorism and Will No Doubt Be Sued by the Whos for Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress After He Attempted to Steal Christmas"?

Like we said, not as catchy, yet it has a certain ring to it. But is it correct? Let's break it down.

A man dubbed the "Hipster Bandit" has been busted after a series of bank robberies in Oregon.

Harvie Dale Oglesby III was arrested by Portland police after he allegedly robbed a credit union last week, reports the Portland Police Bureau.

In true hipster fashion, the 40-year-old Oglesby reportedly made his getaway on a bicycle, because even alleged bank robber hipsters must be environmentally conscious.

Ikea customers were surprised and amused to find a coat-wearing monkey in the parking lot while shopping in Toronto on Sunday.

The monkey found a way out of its crate and then out of the car while its owner was picking out furniture, and wandered around in his shearling coat and diaper. Police officers and Ikea employees corralled the little guy in the lot until animal services arrived.

No one was hurt and most shoppers thought the monkey was pretty adorable, reports ABC News. But his owner ended up in some serious trouble with the authorities.

A deadbeat dad who is behind on his child support got an unorthodox order from the judge: Stop procreating.

Corey Curtis has nine children with six different women, and owes about $90,000 in unpaid child support and interest. It got so serious that Curtis was criminally charged with failure to pay child support.

At a hearing, the judge complained that he couldn't force Curtis to be sterilized. But there was another option that he could enforce.

Self-proclaimed "Chick Bank Robber" Hannah Sabata successfully robbed a bank and shared her accomplishments on YouTube. So no one was surprised when the teenager was busted by the cops shortly thereafter.

The 19-year-old Sabata held up a bank in Waco, Nebraska, and stole a car, according to her own YouTube confession. She bragged about her crimes in a video clip that runs nearly 8 minutes long.

Unfortunately for Sabata, her video also alerted police. Even more embarrassing, she didn't make it difficult for them to find her.