The 86th annual Academy Awards are set for Sunday, but why should the movie industry have all the fun? For the best in real-life legal drama, we'd like to introduce you to FindLaw's "Legal Oscars"!
From the "Spaciest Legal Issue" to the "Classiest Cannabis Enthusiast," get ready to cast your vote for the funniest, the funkiest, and the downright silliest of FindLaw's legal blog posts.
Without further ado, the nominees are:
Spaciest Legal Issue
Launching off from "Gravity," these nominees take legal issues to a distant galaxy far, far away:
- "Does N.M.'s Space Travel Liability Law Go Too Far?" If you blast off on a commercial venture like the Virgin Galactic and you get injured, New Mexico won't let you sue spacecraft parts suppliers.
- "Space Law: Space debris and liability." FindLaw UK takes us on a voyage through the 1986 Outer Space Act to answer a super spacy question: If someone gets hit by massive space debris, who's legally responsible?
- "NASA Sued for Not Probing Mars 'Mystery Doughnut' for Life." A Silicon Valley scientist sued NASA for not digging deeper into his "discovery" of possible life on Mars. Did the scientist not see how "The Last Days on Mars" ends? No bueno.
Best White Collar Crime
- "Banker Who Faked Own Death Busted by Window Tint." A Georgia banker faked his own death to escape massive wire and security fraud charges, giving Leo DiCaprio's performance a run for his money.
- "Vegas Priest Stole $650K to Feed Gambling Habit." A Roman Catholic priest in Las Vegas embezzled $650,000 from his church to support his gambling habit. They don't call it Sin City for nothing.
- "Calif. PTA Moms Arrested for Ponzi Scheme." A group of PTA moms at a California elementary school manufactured a Ponzi scheme that earned them a cool $14 million.
Classiest Cannabis Enthusiast
They may be chemically unbalanced like Cate Blanchett in "Blue Jasmine," but no one gives these potheads a Stoli martini with a twist of lemon:
- "Man's Money Smells Like Pot, Leads to His Conviction." One man's money was green but it smelled like "green," too. New money smells funky.
- "Suburban Mom Busted Over $3M Pot-Growing Plot." Pot Mom lived in an classy New York suburb, but she lost posh points for her pot-growing plot.
- "Prostitute Sues to Get Pot License Despite 'Moral Character' Issues." One entrepreneuse's dreams of a small (pot) business may be dashed by her former sex work.
- "Police Pot Holders Ordered to Return Marijuana Seized 1 Year Ago." Get your pot seized by the police? The classy thing to do is ask for it back.
Most Pungent Legal Comedy
If you think 2014's Oscar picks stink, check out our odiferous "Legal Oscar" nominees:
- "Sriracha Factory's Fumes Too Spicy, Lawsuit Claims." Sriracha may be great on a banh mi, but not in your lungs.
- "Sea Lion Poop Lawsuit Raises a Stink in San Diego." Sea lions are the clowns of the sea, but their mounds of excrement aren't as hilarious.
- "'Bacon Bacon' Restaurant Shut Down for Smelling Like Bacon." Bacon by any other name would smell as sweet... or maybe not.
Best Su-poop-ting Actor
The movie "The Croods" take us back to our prehistoric basics. In true children's movie spirit, these poopetrators show it doesn't get much "crooder" than bowel movements:
- "Yale 'Poopetrator' Causing Big Stink on Campus." Yale has its share of top minds, but this one thinks mostly from his bottom.
- "Doo-Doo DNA Testing Flushes Out Alleged Burglar." Burglary is a serious crime, but so is breaking in and forgetting to flush.
- "Jail Sentence for Filthy Mess in Courthouse Restroom Upheld." Making a mess in the courthouse bathroom landed one man in deep you-know-what.
Best Digital Drama
Tech-savvy legal problems that can occur when falling in love with "Her" isn't enough:
- "Man's Instagram Selfies Trigger Arrest on 142 Felony Charges." What began as selfies of a man and his guns led to a search warrant and the discovery of $250,000 worth of stolen items.
- "Wanted Man Shares Own Mugshot on Facebook, Then Gets Arrested." The law caught up to this fugitive -- in just 45 minutes! -- after he shared his "Wanted" photo from the police department's Facebook page.
- "YouTube Rap Video Gets Teen's Football Scholarship Revoked." Smoking weed and dissing women in his rap YouTube video cost this kid his college football career -- though Joaquin Phoenix of "Her" might approve.
Most (Un)Smooth Criminal
"American Hustle" featured some slick con artists, but not all thieves are as smooth -- or have such great style:
- "Bad Karma Ahead for Busted Yoga-Class Burglar?" Your heist is no "Ocean's Twelve" when you pretend to be a yoga student, steal your peers' wallets, and get nabbed for burglary.
- "Real-Life 'Grand Theft Auto' Stunt Gets College Kid Arrested." When life shouldn't imitate art: Man steals a car, kidnaps a woman, and proceeds to hit several parked cars.
- "United Rep Stole Bags After Asiana Crash: DA." Tacky thieves are the worst thieves: this bandit capitalized on a tragedy by stealing luggage after a grisly airline accident.
The winners won't be presented with a glitzy or glamorous statuette, but they'll get something better: adoration by FindLaw fans. What do you think about our nominees? Let us know on Facebook and Twitter (@FindLawConsumer).
-- FindLaw Senior Writer Brett Snider, Esq. and Blog Writer Jenny Tsay, Esq. contributed to this post.
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