Cable network FXX is currently airing every episode of "The Simpsons" back-to-back, giving hope to children and adults alike in these dark times (at least through Labor Day, when the marathon is set to conclude).
And while our writers are too poor (or shiftless) to pay for this premium cable channel, we can provide you with our recollection of the 10 best legal moments in the history of the decades-long series.
So stop playing Bonestorm and check out our picks for the Top 10 greatest legal moments from "The Simpsons":
- Milhouse's parents' divorce (from "A Milhouse Divided," Season 8, Episode 6) -- Although you don't see much of the Van Houtens' divorce, the whole incident convinced Homer to file for divorce without Marge's knowledge. Which as we know, is not that easy.
- Homer's soul legally belongs to Marge (from "Treehouse of Horror IV," Season 5, Episode 5) -- Yes it ends with Homer's head turning into a donut, but we learned that Marge legally owns his soul, not Devil Flanders.
- Definition of a contract (from "Treehouse of Horror IV") -- From that same episode, terrible attorney Lionel Hutz defines a contact via Webster's Dictionary as an "agreement which is unbreakable." Wrong again Hutz. You can watch a classic clip from this episode below:
- "Lord of the Flies"-style trial (from "Das Bus," Season 9, Episode 14) -- Judge Bart fairly decides not to kill Milhouse in a pretty lopsided trial. In fairness, Milhouse did eat two sandwiches and a bag of Doritos.
- The "Kamp Krusty" song (from "Kamp Krusty," Season 4, Episode 1) -- Nothing like a legal tagline about trademark to wrap up a sweet song about the bucolic splendor of Kamp Krusty.
- Everyone ordered to forget the "real" Seymour Skinner (from "The Principal and the Pauper," Season 9, Episode 2) -- This confusing story about Seymour Skinner and Armin Tamzarian ends with Judge Snyder legally making the mess disappear "under penalty of torture."
- Marge sells the "murder house" (from "Realty Bites," Season 9, Episode 9) -- Marge almost sells the "Jealous Jockey" murder house to the Flanders clan, without telling them about the murder. (If Springfield were in Pennsylvania, she wouldn't have been legally required to.)
- "Itchy and Scratchy" copyright trial (from "The Day the Violence Died," Season 7, Episode 18) -- Chester P. Lampwick actually owned the copyright to Itchy, briefly pulling "Itchy and Scratchy" off the air. They bounced back after Roger Meyer Jr. sued the U.S. Postal Service for infringing on the copyright to Manic Mailman. Thanks, Lester and Eliza!
- Apu grandfathered into citizenship (from "Much Apu About Nothing," Season 7, Episode 23) -- Lisa discovers that Apu has been in the country long enough to get amnesty and take the citizenship test. What caused the Civil War? Slavery.
- Sideshow Bob's trial for election fraud (from "Sideshow Bob Roberts," Season 6, Episode 5) -- Sideshow Bob is lured into confessing to fraud on the stand, "A Few Good Men" style. No truth-handler, you!
This writer and "Simpsons" fan acknowledges that we left many moments out. But if you share this page, we may just write 10 more before the marathon is over.
- The 10 Simpsons Episodes You Need to DVR (Slate)
- Cartoon Network Lawsuit Alleges 'Annoying' Copyright Violation (FindLaw's Celebrity Justice)
- Where Did Ally McBeal Go to Law School? 9 Fictional TV Lawyers' Alma Maters (FindLaw's Greedy Associates)
- FindLaw Quiz: Can You Pass the U.S. Citizenship Test? (FindLaw's Legal Grounds)