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Share a Coke, Share a Fine: Offering Kids Soda Now a Crime

It's all fun and games until a kid gets a Coke with his Happy Meal. Or at least that's what anti-fun town Davis, California thinks.*

The Davis City Council rained on every child's fast food parade by outlawing soda as the default drink of choice for kids' meals. Instead, restaurants must offer children milk (blegh!) or water (double-blegh!) unless their parents, who we hope are more awesome than the city council, ask for soda specifically.

Totally Uncool, Davis

The city says the ordinance is designed to fight childhood obesity, but we really know they don't want kids having a rad time out at the restaurant. All these states and cities trying to ban soda or add soda taxes are just like that jerk movie theater that wouldn't let me in to see "Mad Max: Fury Road" even though I had a note from my mom saying I could watch it.

She signed it and everything!

And even though parents can request a soda under the new law, good luck with that! You think the same people who grounded me for duct-taping my little brother to the basketball hoop are going to let me have a Supersize Mountain Dew Kickstart?! The next thing you know kids will have to clean their rooms or take out the garbage to get their hands on 48 ounces of caffeine-infused high fructose corn syrup.

Money Talks, I Guess

Under the new ordinance, if parental units complain that a store is pushing soda, the city can issue fines starting at $100. And nobody minds this blatant extortion, since almost nobody opposed the new law. Except for Dorte Jensen, the lone voice of good times and reason at the city council meeting, who said, "This is kind of overkill." Totally, Ms. Jensen. Hey you sound pretty chill -- can we borrow your car?

The bogus ordinance goes into effect September 1st and covers all 122 restaurants in Davis. So we better get in all the soda drinking we can this summer, because the fun's over after that.

Just gonna be homework forever, probably.

*This post totally not written by a 12-yr-old or a big soda executive.

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