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When you're drunk, you're already not thinking clearly. And if you're trying to drive drunk, you're really making some bad life choices.

The combo of drinking and driving often produces some comedic results (as long as everyone involved is uninjured), including intoxicated people operating some weird vehicles to concocting some odd excuses for driving drunk. And these are three of the funniest DUI arrests in the past few months:

Whether you'll get pinched for puttering around drunk in a wheelchair may depend on where you're operating and whether the court considers you a pedestrian. In Ohio, for example, you can absolutely get a DUI in a wheelchair. But in Oregon, you might be considered a pedestrian if you slam your motorized wheelchair into the side of a truck while crossing the street, and thus, no DUI.

Such was the case of one James Richard Greene of Lincoln County ...

If the thought of posing for the DMV without your "spiritual antenna" scares you more than walking around in public naked, we have some welcome news out of Millinocket, Maine. Goat horns are now considered religious attire, and, as long as they don't obscure your face, you're free to wear them when you get your driver's license photo snapped.

"Many practicing Pagans are afraid of being public," Phelan Moonsong told the Washington Post, "but when they see my horns it reminds them it's okay to be yourself." Now, anyone who checks his driver's license will get the same reminder.

Santa Claus must be ahead of schedule this holiday season as he helped effect a raid on a drug cartel in Lima, Peru this week. Normally, those on Santa's naughty list either don't get any presents at all, or maybe get a lump of coal. However, this Santa had a different plan.

Video shows an undercover officer dressed as Santa wielding a sledge-hammer to bash in a front door and make several arrests. Apparently, Santa's gift bag held the massive hammer along with his colleagues' guns. As a result of the raid, four men were arrested and 4,500 cocaine wraps were discovered. Peru is known as the world's largest producer of cocaine.

While there is not actually a professional job as a tenant, James Regan and others like him have earned the moniker due to their ability to abuse eviction laws. Regan, a 62-year-old mustachioed man from Toronto, Canada, has been living in upscale Toronto apartments since 2014 without paying any rent. The Toronto resident is facing his third eviction since 2014 for not paying rent, and despite his best efforts to fire the hearing officer, it looks all but certain that the eviction will be upheld on appeal.

While he has been evicted three times since 2014, that hasn't phased him one bit. He's a professional! While fending off the legal system after each eviction attempt (all part of a day's work), he was able to maintain possession of his units (rent free!). Naturally, Regan claims he's not abusing the system.

Harris Faulkner, the toy hamster, is no longer going to be sold thanks to Harris Faulkner, the Fox news anchor that sued for $5 million because Hasbro made a toy that accidently shared the same name as ... what was her name again? The popular toy was sold as part of the Littlest Pet Shop line of toys, where adorable little plastic animals are designed for children to obsess over until their parents buy them.

In the news anchor's 2015 complaint, Faulkner alleged that the little plastic doll had caused her both commercial and emotional damages. In July of this year, the court dismissed Hasbro's motion to dismiss the complaint, explaining that the allegation that Hasbro used the same name was sufficient to allow the lawsuit to be heard by the court.

Tamar Hage was horrified to learn that a bare-breasted photo of her had been used in Seattle alt weekly The Stranger's 'Drunk of the Week' feature last December. Especially considering she had been 2,000 miles away at the purported time of the photo, celebrating her grandmother's 90th birthday in Pittsburgh. So she did what anyone else in her position would do -- she sued the magazine for invasion of privacy and emotional distress.

But that's where the straightforward lawsuit goes sideways. The Stranger never identified the woman in the photo by name, and the photo may not be of Hage at all.

A former Cedar Rapids, Iowa substitute teacher is claiming the local school district knew full well she was sexually involved with a student and ignored the relationship in an effort to avoid embarrassment. Mary Beth Haglin, who has been charged with sexual exploitation of a minor, claims the Cedar Rapids Community School District "turned a blind eye because they wanted to protect their school."

So does that make the school or the school district complicit in her crimes?

Tokyo’s The Amrita, a nude pop-up restaurant, doesn’t even open its doors until next month, and it’s already causing quite a controversy. No, not because it purports to offer diners a “naked” eating experience. It’s because the restaurant will supposedly ban old, overweight, and inked-up patrons.

A similar prohibition in the U.S. might invite a few discrimination lawsuits. But those could be the least of a nude restaurant’s worries. Here are a few other legal concerns for naked dining establishments:

Nothing is life is free. Not lunch, not HBO, not even love. And definitely not hugs. So while a sign saying "Free Hugs" might seem like an altruistic act of simple kindness, you better be ready to tip the man carrying that sign, or face an assault.

At least, that can be the case in Times Square, where Jermaine Himmelstein was recently arrested (for the 17th time) and charged with robbery after punching a Canadian tourist in Times Square after she took him up on his offer of free hugs. So how did a friendly sign and the world's friendliest country turn into a felony?