Twitter has some new members:
@ButtiTortoise and @BronxZoosCobra
In an odd turn of events, the two reptiles--Butti the Tortoise of Colorado Springs' Cheyenne Mountain Zoo and the lame-named Bronx Zoo Cobra--are both missing. Within a day of one another.
If you think this is a nefarious plan on the part of our future reptilian overlords, think again. Butti the Tortoise is believed to have been stolen.
Some people never learn, and Michelle Astumian happens to be one of them.
In a California court to be sentenced for forgery, she presented a doctor's note to the prosecutor requesting that the hearing be postponed.
The note was a fake.
Which is not like the other?
Coloring books, drugs, and prison inmates.
If you're thinking coloring books, you'd be right. But you'd also be wrong.
Coloring books, drugs, and prison inmates have everything to do with one another, as three inmates at New Jersey's Cape May County Correctional Center, along with two women, were just charged for attempting to smuggle drugs into the prison via coloring books.
Sunny Dan Diego has a nude beach.
Surprised? Same here. But Black's Beach is apparently widely known for its nude revelers, one of which is currently making headlines.
In an attempt to challenge the stereotype that the nation's nude beaches are solely the playground of old, wrinkly men, a 27 year old woman got stuck on the bluffs overlooking Black's Beach.
And of course, this resulted in a nude woman rescue mission.
The title of this post sounds like something out of Betty White's newly reinvigorated career. It's not.
Helen Staudinger, 92, just wanted one kiss from her handsome (and way younger) neighbor. She was clearly lonely. But when he refused, the ensuing disappointment turned to rage.
Grandma got a gun and shot up his house.
You wanna see some ass,
I wanna see some cash,
Keep dem dollars comin',
And das gonna make me dance - "Make it Rain," Tyga.
And dance he did. All over YouTube.
It turns out that the first thing MacBook thieves do when they get their "prizes" home is play with PhotoBooth. The enjoyment of an embedded camera just can't be resisted.
If you insist on carrying out a laptop theft, here's some advice:
Don't take video of yourself dancing to Tyga's "Make It Rain." Because if you're unlucky enough to steal the computer of someone like Mark Bao, it may just blow up on social media.
If you take drugs--not that we condone such behavior--don't purchase anything from one Karin Mackaliunas.
The Scranton woman apparently missed the memo explaining that her vajayjay has two applications and two applications only--those of the carnal variety, and birthing a child.
That's right ladies and gentlemen, Mackaliunas turned her nether regions into storage. Cops found a staggering 54 bags of heroin inside. And for some reason, an additional $51.22.
How many of you are afraid of being knocked over by an errant unicyclist?
Don't worry--no need to be alarmed. New York City is concerned enough for all of us, vowing to take on Kyle Peterson, the man currently suing the city for $3 million for its repeated refusal to allow him to unicycle on the sidewalk.
As if a grown man unicycling in the middle of Manhattan isn't silly enough, the lawsuit is all about wheels. Yes, wheels.
Forget about the Twinkie defense--there's a new junk food defense in town. Its name? The Taco Bell burrito.
When a San Antonio man ordered seven Beefy Crunch Burritos, he expected them to cost 99 cents apiece. But when he realized the Taco Bell burrito price had been raised to a whopping $1.49, all hell broke loose.
He shot the place up.
No one likes getting ripped off.
But one should always keep in mind the legality of the product that they are purchasing, before they seek restitution from authorities.
Case in point: a Connecticut man who reported his cocaine dealer after he claims he was shorted. "My cocaine dealer cheated me," just isn't one of those things you want to say to a cop.
The song of the ice cream truck is no longer just a beacon for little kids.
In fact, "Pop! Goes the Weasel" has a new meaning, and it reaches way beyond monkeys and mulberry bushes. Yep it isn't a noise, or a strange animal's attempt at jumping out of a hole. And it's not about a popsicle either.
It's about popping pills.
Well, at least if you're a client of Louis Scala, a New York man who has been arrested for selling pills out of his ice cream truck.
Rutt's Hut sues Mutt's Hut for...
Okay, maybe turning that into a full-fledged tongue twister isn't so easy, but imagine the possibilities.
Anyway, the hot dog scene in Clifton, New Jersey is about to get hut. Rutt's Hut, purveyor of the world's most disgustingly intriguing hot dog, has waged a not-so-culinary war against Mutt's.
They stole Rutt's trademark, the hot dog giant says.
Even Frank Abagnale, Jr. of "Catch Me If You Can" had the good sense not to impersonate a police officer. But apparently a passenger detained on Wednesday lacked Abagnale's sensibilities, and was caught falsely identifying himself as a federal air marshal. The passenger was on Delta flight 1922, going from Detroit to Boston.
An actual air marshal overheard the man and detained him, Transportation Security Administration officials said. The man was handcuffed and help in the jump seat at the back of the plane. Law enforcement and TSA were waiting for the plane in Boston and took the passenger into custody.
If you ask a man to get a vasectomy, you're likely to spend the night on the couch. But if you ask a man to get a vasectomy and promise him a weekend on the couch, you might just get somewhere.
Now, now, we're not talking about ultimatums here. We here at Legally Weird don't condone forced sterilization. It's kind of illegal.
But what we do condone is the March Madness Vasectomy. It's all the rage.
Who's afraid of the big bad bus?
Come on, we all know you're out there. And we're no longer making fun of you.
Criminals do ride the bus. Actually, bank robbers use the bus. Well, at least one bank robber does.
Meet Lonnie Johnson, the man behind the headlines proclaiming that a "Bank Robber Uses Bus for Getaway."
Squirrel Attack! Run for your lives!
When this blogger heard that a vicious squirrel was attacking residents in Bennington, Vermont, she had sudden visions of a full-fledged zombie squirrel attack wherein the evil critters battled it out for the pea-sized (or seed-sized) brain of Charlie Sheen.
Yeah.
As for the disappointingly zombie-less squirrel attacks, the squirrel was grey, the victims were human, and everyone should blame the local college students.
Sexually transmitted diseases belong in the bedroom, not in the courtroom.
Okay, fine. They don't really belong anywhere. But they're better off in the courtroom, because at least then they're entertaining. And they didn't happen to you.
Tom Redmond, a 77 year old multi-millionaire (and former hair-care CEO), isn't so lucky. After he infected his ex-girlfriend, aged 56, with herpes, she sued him for failing to disclose his little problem and was subsequently awarded $6.7 million by a California jury. And a BMW.
An Arizona vampire, er, bloodsucker, named Aaron Homer was sentenced to three years of probation for stabbing his roommate after he refused him his blood.
Yeah, you can't blame this one on Edward Cullen and crew. They're vegetarians.
And the only girl involved was 21--not 15.
Ninjas have been popular for a while now. Perhaps it's the mystery or the mystique. But one thing ninjas do not want to be known for: endangering the welfare of children.
Ross Hurst, 28, of Scottdale, Pennsylvania was spotted by police in all-black clothing walking at 1:23 a.m. March 3. He told police he was jogging, MSNBC reports.
Patrolman Joseph Lane noticed dried mud on the ninja dad's knee. When Lane asked Hurst about the mud, he first said he had fallen, then said he had knelt in a field. Finally came the truth: he was acting out a fantasy of being a ninja. Now obviously that in and of itself isn't illegal. But Hurst had a 4-year-old son at home alone while he was playing ninja, police say.
Here at Legally Weird, we don't bat an eyelash at titles like "Georgia Man Arrested With Chicken in His Pants." Business as usual, one might say. Nevertheless, the story of one Joseph Lee Stringer is worthy of mention.
According to Rome, Georgia police, Stringer stuffed a rotisserie chicken down his pants at a Walmart. To wash it down, he also allegedly stuffed some chicken wings, a mouth guard and two toothbrushes down his pants, then tried to walk out of the store, the Associated Press reports.
I suppose the chicken makes sense, but a mouth guard and toothbrushes? What kind of a crazy dinner party was Stringer headed to?
"Why are you in my house taking a shower ... Who are you?"
An Oregon woman came home to find a burglar named Timothy Chapek in her house taking a shower. Homeowner Hilary McKenzie seemed to find the incident rather entertaining. She called 911 to let them take care of the matter, but meanwhile she found out that Chapek had already called the police himself.
"I just broke into a house and the owner came home ... I think they have guns," Chapek, 24, said to the dispatcher, The Smoking Gun reports.
Legally Weird is full of weird stories that often seem too bizarre to be made up. Here's a little story of two people by the name of Cynthia Economou and Karl Lambert.
The story goes like this: Lambert, of Florida claimed that Cynthia Economou stole his foot after it was severed in a car accident. Economou, a paramedic, admitted to taking the foot, but said she did it to help train her body recovery dog. Even with such a unique excuse, you're really not supposed to just take people's severed limbs.
Women want to talk about their feelings, and men just want sex.
Whether or not you subscribe to this long-standing presumption, one woman is putting it to good use. Meet Sarah White, the naked therapist.
After studying the subject as an undergraduate, Sarah White was "uninspired" by modern psychology. Taking matters into her own hands, she launched her website, The Naked Therapist, where she advertises $150 Skype "therapy" sessions, reports the Daily News. While her clients talk it out, she takes it off.
Harrun Majeed, a navy veteran and current college student, was picking up supplies for his son's birthday when he lost his credit card. Unable to find the card and needing to prep for the family party, he headed home to give the bank a call, reports local station WTSP. Unfortunately, he was too late.
Someone had already used the card.
Turns out Richard Ludwig, a millionaire dentist, was the culprit. He bought two large pizzas and arrogantly sprung for extra olives.
Charlie Sheen may be winning, but Florida resident Tina Belinda Masta is losing--her teeth.
That's what happens when you pull them and then throw them into a canal. Naturally Masta was allegedly drunk, naked, shouting at strangers and throwing rocks.
Is nothing sacred? Seattle's green mayor, Mike McGinn, had his commuter bike stolen right out from under him.
Granted, Mayor Mike McGinn forgot to lock the bike he borrowed from his wife. He left it in the parking garage at City Hall last Wednesday. When he returned to ride it home, it was gone, reports the Seattle Times.
"I know I've been encouraging people to ride bikes more," Mayor Mike McGinn posted on Twitter, "but I didn't mean u could 'borrow' my wife's bike w/o asking." McGinn said his wife "is pissed."
Students at Northwestern University received quite a surprise in psychology professor J. Michael Bailey's human sexuality class. Students watched as Faith Kroll was brought to orgasm by a machine-powered saw converted into a sex toy. The sex toy show was seen by over 100 students at the $40,000-a-year university, the Daily Mail reports.
The demonstration was conducted after class was over, and students were not required to attend. Of course that fact alone doesn't mean that the university is pleased with the situation. The demonstration was part of a guest lecture by Ken Melvoin-Berg, co-owner of Weird Chicago Tours, who was contacted by Professor J. Michael Bailey. Melvoin-Berg discussed topics like sexual fetishism, orgasms, bondage and swinging.
It may sound a little silly, or even weird, to hear about a woman who requested a stay in her court proceedings to get her hair done. Especially since her request was denied by the judge. However, when you hear that this woman will facea jury trial for murder, you may change your opinion.
Lawyers for defendant Marni Yang sought to put her murder trial on hold and asked to appeal Judge Christopher Stride’s ruling denying Yang a haircut, color and makeup application, reports the Chicago Tribune.
Smoking can be an expensive habit.
It can be really expensive when you have to pay an extra $2,000 every time you light up. But that's just what Harry Lysons, 70, of Manhattan, New York has been ordered to do, the New York Post reports.
The Post obtained papers filed in Manhattan Supreme Court which state that he must pay his neighbors, Russell and Amanda Poses, $2,000 every time he smokes a cigar in his apartment, and if he doesn't pay within 15 days, he will have to pay another $1,500.
