April 2012 Archives

Zachary Ramirez was digging himself into a hole about 2 am last Saturday morning. The 21-year-old was pulled over and arrested after a traffic patrolman clocked him going 111 mph in a 45 mph zone in Naperville, Ill.

As if that wasn't enough, Ramirez responded when the officer asked him where he was headed. And as it turns out, he was speeding for sex.

Yeah, he was going 66 miles over the speed limit in a bid to get laid. It seems he thought the window of opportunity was closing fast.

What do you get when you combine a phony officer, a hat, and some ladies? Apparently you get a fake cop that pees in hats and tries to hit on women.

Joseph Hannah, 32, allegedly drove up to four teenager playing ball in New Mexico. Hannah was in a Ford Mustang with flashing white emergency lights on the roof. He told them he was a cop. Hannah then allegedly pointed a gun at one of the teens and demanded his hat. The boy complied and watched as Hannah urinated in it, KOB reports.

But the fun didn't end there.

Just because someone is a grandma, doesn't mean they're not tough. A grandmother shootout against robbers went down in Macon, Georgia. And the lady won.

Lulu Campbell, 57, was dropping off her 15-year-old grandson at her daughter's house. While she was sitting in her car, two men approached and demanded money, but Campbell refused. The men then threatened to shoot her if she didn't open her door.

The fearless grandmother then said a line that could've been ripped straight out of "Die Hard."

Think sexting is only for overly hormonal teens and adults trying to spice up their passionless marriages? Think again. Detroit has got itself one of the nation's very first sexting judges.

Circuit Judge Wade McCree is accused of intentionally texting a partially nude photo of himself to a married female bailiff. When asked about the picture, he replied, "Hot dog, yep that's me."

"I've got no shame to my game," he added.

Perhaps he should get some.

No one likes to be on the receiving end of a police investigation, but sometimes you just have to learn to take your lumps. Take the New York woman who decided to strike a cop with a pink sex toy after officers responded to a domestic disturbance complaint.

Officer Jonathan Pitts was escorting Lisa Anderson, 47, out of her friend's home when she threw the unfortunate projectile at Pitts' forehead. Anderson was then swiftly arrested. The sex device was "approximately 12 inches in length," according to the police report. The friend had called officers to have Anderson removed.

So what kind of punishment could Anderson be facing for her antics?

You've heard of the sex trade, but probably not like this: You may be surprised by the variety of strange things people have tried to trade for sex.

We're not just talking about prostitutes, either. Indecent proposals by some everyday folks -- even a judge and a former "Sheriff of the Year" -- made our Top 5 list of strange things traded for sex.

Here's our Top 5, in no particular order:

Officers in Vero Beach, Fla. were a bit confused on March 24 when they came across 40-year-old Tammy Roseman. Not only was she drunk, she was sitting -- butt naked -- in the front passenger seat of her boyfriend's car.

The car was not in front of their home.

When asked about her undressed state, Roseman could give no explanation. It appears as though she had no idea whatsoever why and when she had shed her clothes.

Don’t fake your own kidnapping so you can visit your fugitive boyfriend in Mexico. No, really. Don’t. It’s a horrible idea.

Jessica Rodriguez, 22, has had to learn this lesson the hard way. The Avondale, Ariz. resident called her mom and said she had been kidnapped, tied up and blindfolded before being driven to an undisclosed location. Her story was so believable, her mother went to the police.

In actuality, she was canoodling in Mexico with her boyfriend, who is wanted in connection with a January homicide.

Cheez-Its make great weapons. No really, they do. Think about it -- they're small and sharp, and if the salt gets in your enemy's eyes, it's going to burn. Having said that, you should probably refrain from engaging in a Cheez-It attack.

Police in Palm Bay, Fla. arrested Andy Gatz, 37, on suspicion of battery after he threw a box of Cheez-It crackers at his wife.

"A small square cracker apparently went into her right eye and caused her injury," per the department spokeswoman. Ouch.

For the second time in two months, a customer at Las Vegas' Heart Attack Grill collapsed mid-meal and was carted off to a hospital.

The female customer, a Las Vegas resident in her 40s, had been devouring a "double bypass burger," puffing on cigarettes, and sipping a margarita when she collapsed Saturday night, the Grill's owner told ABC News.

The woman is recovering from her medical emergency but -- like the man who collapsed at the same Grill in February -- she likely won't be able to sue for her medical bills.

A North Carolina man's attempt to get his 15 minutes of fame landed him behind bars for assault, after he shoved a local news reporter and yelled a racial slur on live TV.

Justin Moore, 20, of Charlotte, N.C., jumped in front of a TV news camera in Myrtle Beach, S.C., and pushed the reporter "nearly to the ground," WMBF-TV reports. The incident aired live during the station's 11 p.m. newscast April 18.

Moore also snatched the reporter's mic and gave an on-air shout-out, to no one in particular: "I am that [N-word]! Aaagghh!" he exclaimed, before the station cut away to tape.

It's kinda like the movie "The Hangover" -- but with a penguin, and without the bachelor party.

Three UK men are facing criminal charges after they allegedly stole a penguin from Australia's Sea World while drunk, and then boasted about their bird-brained exploits on Facebook.

The men, from Wales, told Australia's 7News they groggily woke up after a night of drinking, and were shocked by the sight of a small penguin waddling around the apartment they were staying at in Queensland.

"Can't believe ... penguin in our apartment man ... we stole a penguin," one of the men says in a video, apparently taken after the hung-over trio woke up.

For the second time in a week, an apparently irate airline passenger stripped naked in front of TSA agents in protest -- and promptly received a one-way ticket to jail.

John E. Brennan, 49, of Portland, Ore., disrobed upon arrival at the TSA security checkpoint at Portland International Airport about 5:30 p.m. Tuesday, The Oregonian reports. He did so "as a form of protest against TSA screeners who he felt were harassing him," according to police.

Brennan's TSA striptease followed a similar incident at Denver's airport last week. So do these incidents signal a trend in naked airport protests, as the website Gothamist suggests?

A dog on death row was given a last minute reprieve from a Tennessee judge.

After being slated to be put down for more than a year, a 4-year-old pit bull mix named Prada will be headed to an animal rescue center. Prada was declared vicious after she escaped from her Nashville home and attacked several dogs.

Now the dog will soon be living the good life at Villalobos Rescue Center in New Orleans. The shelter is featured in Animal Planet's reality show "Pitt Bulls and Parolees.

So how why was Prada spared?

Leave it to Larry Flynt's Hustler Club to bring the skin to the street. The chain's San Francisco outpost is stirring up trouble in one of the city's more residential neighborhoods. The culprit? A mobile strip club.

On Friday and Saturday nights, mostly-naked women can be seen dancing  behind the truck's Plexiglas walls. But on the driver's days off? It's being parked outside a library, which also happens to be a few blocks from an elementary school.

Some residents find the image-plastered vehicle hard to swallow.

The General Services Administration continues to piece together the reasons behind the erupting johns that injured two employees in Washington, DC. However, new insights behind the GSA's exploding toilets have emerged.

Leaked emails exchanged between GSA workers indicate some feared doing the most necessary of acts. "I am scared to pee" was the subject of one employee's email.

The GSA has been pretty hush about the exploding toilets so far, but internal memos show some cause for concern.

The New Jersey town of Toms River is home to a new kind of horror, and it lives at 100 Terrace Ave. Or so Josue Chinchilla and his fiance Michele Callan claim.

The couple has filed a haunted house lawsuit against the home's owner, alleging that the rental property houses at least one paranormal entity. Between the moving doors, flickering lights and strange voices whispering "let it burn," they believe they had no choice but to flee the property.

Now they want their $2,250 security deposit back.

Can circumcision rob you of your, uh, “sexual prowess”?

A South Dakota man thinks so, which is why he has filed a federal circumcision lawsuit against the hospital where he was born. He claims he only recently learned of his missing foreskin, and that doctors misled his mother into believing the procedure was medically necessary.

It gets better. His name is Dean Cochrun. And he’s asking for $1,000 and free reattachment surgery.

It's just so hard to get good service these days. A Florida man was arrested after taking his money back from an escort.

Michael Thomas Schuster, 21, hired a professional female escort to dance for him in his bedroom. The Boynton Beach man claims he paid her $200, but wasn't satisfied with her performance, The Palm Beach Post reports.

So what does any reasonable person do when an escort doesn't live up to expectations?

A small business owner has recently opened a nude maid service in Lubbock, Texas. But cops in the area aren't smiling at the young woman's attempt to get more customers.

Melissa Borrett, 26, says her house-cleaning business, Fantasy Maid Service, is just that: a business that cleans homes, nothing more. However, officers in the conservative West Texas city say Borrett might not be in full compliance with local laws.

So how much will it cost you to have this naked maid clean up your pad?

It's not often that a perfect storm of irony rolls into town. But a woman name Fellony has been charged with, you guess it, felony battery after a bar fight in Indiana.

In what must be the most unfortunate case of a child living up to her name, Fellony Silas, 30, allegedly smashed a glass against a woman's forehead. The altercation started after the 24-year-old victim bumped into Fellony on the bar's dance floor, The Smoking Gun reports.

So what kind of punishment is our dear Fellony facing for her alleged antics?

Would you ever rob a bank with a plunger? How about three? Banks, that is.

Didn't think so. Nonetheless, authorities in Utica, New York have arrested Lawrence Deptola, 49, and charged him with attempted third-degree robbery. He's accused of spending last Thursday afternoon robbing banks with a plunger.

Fortunately, no one was hurt and no money was taken. Though, some bank employees may be never be able to plunge again.

One lucky feline has just been spared the eternal slumber of euthanasia. Boots the cat was slated to be put down according to her former owner's will, but an Illinois judge has blocked the execution.

The 11-year-old cat will be headed to her new home at Cats are Purrsons Too, a no-kill animal shelter in Chicago.

But why did Boots' former owner want the feline put down?

A Florida lawmaker's far-flung idea to repeal an anti dwarf-tossing law has itself been tossed, thanks to heightened awareness from little people across America.

As this blog explained last fall, Florida State Rep. Ritch Workman proposed a bill to repeal the state's ban on dwarf-tossing, in effect since 1989.

The repeal would have (ostensibly) created jobs for little people who were (supposedly) willing to be picked up and thrown through the air -- or through a door, or a glass window, or down a well -- with adequate protection, of course.

Many little people, and non-little people, were up in arms.

An ex-bartender has sued upscale Manhattan Chinese restaurant Chin Chin, accusing its employees and owner Jimmy Chin of sexual harassment and assault. The woman, Yvonne Diaz, claims her co-workers would often make penis-shaped dumplings and then hold them to "their crotch areas making it look like they had big penises."

Diaz also alleges the phallic dough was often fed to Chin Chin's celebrity clientele, which includes Sean "Diddy" Combs, Mariah Carey, Tyra Banks and Jennifer Lopez.

Some people just can't keep their hands to themselves. Others have the exact opposite problem. Nowhere is this point better illustrated than ex-Santa Fe police sergeant Mike Eiskant, 41. He was caught allegedly masturbating in his squad car after having a sexual conversation.

But who was the lucky recipient on the other end of Eiskant's allegedly steamy chat? A girlfriend, a stripper, another officer? Nope, try again.

A Florida man refused to have sex with his girlfriend, and then said something that wasn't too nice, according to police. So the girlfriend, 18-year-old Inez Nunez, got all up in his face.

Nunez, of Coral Springs, faces a domestic battery charge after she allegedly smacked her boyfriend hard and started a brawl, the South Florida Sun Sentinel reports.

Nunez's boyfriend called police about 2:30 p.m. Tuesday to report the attack, which was allegedly triggered not just by his refusal to copulate, but also by some fightin' words:

He apparently called her "ugly."

Couples divorce for all kinds of reasons. Sometimes they just fall out of love. Sometimes they cheat on each other. And on rare occasions, a wife will divorce her husband because he made her dress up as a Klingon.

That's exactly what happened to a couple in England, The New York Times reports. The wife in question also accused her ex-husband of forcing her to speak to him in Klingon, too.

Unlike in America, English divorce law is fault-based, so couples must cite mundane reasons like these in order to get divorced. But some English judges don't like it.

A South Dakota woman woke up Easter Sunday to an unexpected sight, and it wasn't the Easter bunny: It was a stranger who allegedly picked up her baby and tried to breastfeed the infant without permission.

The bizarre incident happened about 5 a.m. Sunday in Brookings, S.D., local radio station KJJQ-AM reports. A woman called 911 to say she'd woken up to find a strange woman in her bedroom.

The 24-year-old stranger reached for the woman's 2-month-old baby and tried to nurse the child, according to KJJQ. But the baby's mom sprang to action.

Facebook sure can be addicting, even for guys on the go. And even, it seems, if you're running from the cops like Travis A. Nicolaysen of Port Angeles, Wash.

Nicolaysen, 26 -- who lists his job title as "Boss" at "da game," according to his Facebook profile -- remains a fugitive after officers and a police dog chased him on foot, the local Peninsula Daily News reports. But the wanted man was apparently still updating his Facebook page, up until a few days ago.

"Cops all over you," one friend posted on Nicolaysen's wall after the foot chase April 4. "[Y]a got away thanks bro," Nicolaysen replied the day after.

Pet alligators are nothing new over here on Legally Weird. They have a tendency to pop up from time to time. But this one? Well, it's a doozy.

Police in Des Moines, Iowa are currently investigating Colby Karaidos, a man accused of housing a 3-foot long alligator. Officers found the pet -- along with a dog and infant -- after being called to his home on an unrelated matter.

Could that matter have been Karaidos' recent drug arrest? Or perhaps his occupation?

Oh yeah, he's apparently a cage fighter that goes by the name 'Tha Alligator."

A guinea pig roommate -- they're the best kind.

Or not. You do have to clean up after them. But Kendra Velzen doesn't mind. The 28-year-old student is suing Grand Valley State University in Michigan, accusing it of violating the federal Housing Rights Act.

Administrators allegedly wouldn't let her house Blanca, her guinea pig, in her on-campus apartment.

Some people are really good at lying. But even the best ones have a tough time when the truth is open for the world to see. An Idaho man learned this the hard way when he tried to give police a fake name despite having his real last name tattooed on his forearm.

Dylan Edward Contreras, 19, identified himself as Emiliano Velesco to an officer in Twin Falls, Idaho. But when the cop couldn't find the pseudonym in a police database, the officer ran the name he saw tattooed on Contreras' forearm, the Associated Press reports.

And lo and behold, a match. But was the cop's request for Contreras' name legal?

The Kansas Supreme Court has ruled that a repeated dog molester won't have to register as a sex offender as thought to be required under state law. The man, Joshua Coman, has twice been convicted of molesting a dog.

The second time, his roommate walked in on him "penetrating" her female Rottweiler with his finger.

Imagine if the dog had fought back.

It seems like guys named Jesse James are in the news a lot lately. First there was the guy who cheated on America's sweetheart, Sandra Bullock. And now there's Jesse James Thomas, the single-boxing glove and sombrero-wearing would-be criminal.

Thomas was arrested in Sacramento, Calif., after he allegedly leapt on top of a police car and shouted his name while wearing a boxing glove and sombrero.

Take a good look at his picture here. Bonus points if you can guess what he was arrested for before reading the rest of the article below.

Apparently IT worker Raymond Foley's No. 1 favorite after-work activity was to look up cute co-workers' photos -- and then urinate on their office chairs.

Surveillance video shows Foley, 59, unleashing an alleged crime "spray" by using four female co-workers' office chairs as urinals, the Des Moines Register reports. Foley's managers at Farm Bureau Financial Services fired him and called police.

Foley's arrest seems to answer the mystery of who's been staining Farm Bureau office chairs since October 2011, the Register reports. Turns out it was one of their own, who used his IT job to become a secret "pee-ing tom."

McDonald's is no longer the home of the Big Mac. No, it's now a bona fide house of prostitution.

Florida resident Christine Baker was arrested on Friday by an undercover detective with the Manatee County Sheriff's Office. She allegedly offered the man sex in exchange for two double cheeseburgers off of McDonald's dollar menu.

Sadly, the sex for cheeseburgers incident is in no way related to January's story about a woman offering sex in exchange for McNuggets. Yes, two different women decided McDonald's food is a good substitute for cash money.

A legal dogfight could soon be hatching in Florida, where state lawmakers repealed a decades-old ban on dyeing animals. But don't expect a deluge of brightly dyed chicks this Easter.

Florida's governor must still approve the repeal of the state's 45-year-old ban on dyeing animals, which would then be lifted July 1, UPI reports. So Florida's chirping chickadee population can still expect a dye-free Easter this weekend.

Come next Easter, however, animal-rights activists fear Florida could see a boom in brightly dyed chicks, along with other animal breeds. But don't expect activists to roll over and "dye" so easily.

Call it poetic justice: A Florida woman is behind bars after sheriff's deputies asked for her name -- and she responded by flashing her bare breasts. They apparently displayed a poetic tattoo.

"Poem of dead tree" is how deputies in Indian River County, Fla., described the tattoo on Susan Stickle's bare chest in an arrest report, TCPalm.com reports. It's not clear what the poem said, or who its author may be.

But the facts are a bit more clear about what led to Stickle's bare-chested arrest March 25, when a neighbor reported a possible burglary in progress.

Silicone butt injections are all the rage, but one provider has likely landed herself behind bars. The Food and Drug Administration busted Kimberly Smedley in November, accusing her of illegally administering silicone butt injections to strippers in Washington, D.C. Now she's pleaded guilty to the crime.

The Atlanta woman will serve a maximum of 5 years in prison and prosecutors plan to seek a $250,000 fine, according to documents obtained by the Smoking Gun. She's also agreed to pay $8,000 in restitution to at least one victim.

Derrill Rockwell shot a mohawk.

No, really. He did. On one fateful day last October, he grabbed his rifle after seeing a red bird that had been harassing his cats. The bird was about 90 feet away, but he happens to be a good shot.

His eyesight, however, may still need some work. Soon after, he heard moans of pain. Once atop the hill, he realized that he did not shoot a bird, but a woman's red mohawk.

A Minnesota high school student's plan to bring a porn star to his prom has been shot down by his school district.

Mike Stone, 18, devised an ingenious ploy to turn himself into a legend at Tartan High School. The student sent out tweets to hundreds of porn actresses online, inviting them to be his date to his prom, USA Today reports.

And not just one, but two actually replied back and accepted.