Cheez-Its make great weapons. No really, they do. Think about it -- they're small and sharp, and if the salt gets in your enemy's eyes, it's going to burn. Having said that, you should probably refrain from engaging in a Cheez-It attack.
Police in Palm Bay, Fla. arrested Andy Gatz, 37, on suspicion of battery after he threw a box of Cheez-It crackers at his wife.
"A small square cracker apparently went into her right eye and caused her injury," per the department spokeswoman. Ouch.
The reason behind the Cheez-It attack is a bit disconcerting. Andy Gatz apparently confronted his wife after learning that she had gone to Orlando for an Earth Day concert, reports Florida Today. There have been no reports as to why this fact was so enraging.
Regardless, it's sort of irrelevant -- he wasn't even supposed to be near her in the first place. Indeed, Andy Gatz was also arrested for violating a court order demanding that he have no contact with his wife.
Between the two charges, there's a good chance Gatz will find himself on probation. He allegedly committed a minor battery against a woman who he was legally not allowed to see. Though probably not enough to land him in jail, his actions should be enough for the court to order further supervision.
They should also be enough to warn you about the dangers of a Cheez-It attack. Throwing snack food at others with the intent to harm is technically against the law.
- Andy Gatz Attacks Wife With Cheez-Its After Earth Day Concert (Huffington Post)
- Assault and Battery Definition (FindLaw)
- Cupcake Attack: Chicago Woman Pelts Husband With Frosted Treats (FindLaw's Legally Weird)