Legally Weird: Dumb Crime Archives

Legally Weird - The FindLaw Legal Curiosities Blog

Recently in Dumb Crime Category

If you had counterfeit fifty dollar bills, what would you buy? A basketful of groceries? Some new clothes? All the Taco Bell you can eat?

Or maybe you're worried that a big business will recognize your fake money, so you look for an unsuspecting rube to exchange your counterfeit $50 for smaller, real bills. Maybe that little girl running a lemonade stand to raise money for Alzheimer's research. If that's what you're thinking, congratulations -- you are a terrible person.

Truck Vandalism Explained in Giant Note of Carrie Underwood Lyrics

An Ontario, Canada, man is being charged with two counts of mischief by Canadian authorities for bringing a Carrie Underwood song, 'Before he cheats,' to life. Allegedly, the 43-year-old Canadian from St. Mary's not only punctured the windshield and slashed the tires of a Dodge truck, he may have left an oversized note on the windshield saying: "I might've saved a little trouble for the next girl."

While the Carrie Underwood song is about a woman vandalizing the car of her man/lover/boyfriend (or former man/lover/boyfriend) who has cheated on her, it's unclear if there is any motive for the vandalism in this case. Also unclear is whether the victim has any relationship with or to the impressionable perpetrator, or whether the vehicle owner was out with a bleached-blond date that was having a fruity drink and getting frisky.

The First Amendment to the Constitution is short -- just 45 words -- but it covers a lot of ground, everything from corporate campaign donations to yelling 'Fire' in a crowded theater to putting the Ten Commandments on a state courthouse. And while "Congress shall make no law ... abridging the freedom of speech," there are exceptions to that general rule.

There are laws prohibiting obscene, defamatory, and threatening speech. And there are laws prohibiting draping yourself in an American flag and hurtling over the White House fence on Thanksgiving Day.

Pokemon Go Player Caught: Game Leads Wanted Man to Police

Positive things have been said about Pokemon Go, most notably how it bring reclusives who play video games out into the light of day. But it's unlikely anyone expected the upside of the game that the Milford, Michigan police experienced last week.

A wanted man presented himself to them in front of the station in his pajamas at night, seeking a nearby Pokemon, reports the Huffington Post. The player must be identifying with the characters in his game right now. He got caught by the cops while he was out trying to "catch 'em all."

We normally refrain from giving legal advice on these blogs, but we can say with certainty that you should never drive drunk. And if you’re driving drunk and need to go to the bathroom, you should pull over at a safe place and find a restroom.

What we’re pretty sure you should not do is urinate from the open door of your vehicle. Don’t do that. That’s bad, and illegal.

FL Mom Tackles Kidnapper, Saves Daughter From Abduction

There is such a thing as everyday heroism, when regular folks do something extraordinary because the situation demands it. A Florida mother and an off-duty Citrus County Sheriff's Deputy are fine examples of this, after the mom saved her daughter from a kidnapping and the sheriff's deputy was there to stop the fleeing suspect and arrest him.

The incident happened this week, midday in the aisle of a Dollar General store, and the accused is now in custody awaiting a psychiatric evaluation. He is 30 years old and has only a misdemeanor criminal record, reports NBC News, but the charges against him now are very serious as this was a brazen attempt.

Are you a fan of Manhattan's South Korean "massage parlors?" Did you perhaps call one, looking not for a message, but instead for a "girlfriend experience?" Were you silly enough to use your real phone to make that call?

Well, congratulations! Federal authorities now have your phone number, and possibly some identifying information, like hair color or whether or not you were a jerk when you visited. Do you not know what a burner phone is? How have you not seen "The Wire" yet? Geez.

Parenting ain't easy. And sometimes you might just want to take the edge off during your evening walk with your child. But a relaxing beer or cocktail after work is a far cry from pushing your baby "down steps in a stroller and bumping into buildings and bushes."

The former might be socially acceptable. The latter will get you arrested.

CT Couple Arrested After Crab Leg Battle at Buffet

People can get pretty picky about their food, or rather, crabby. A couple in Connecticut was arrested this weekend after a dispute over crab legs at a buffet turned into a battle between patrons involving assault, disorderly conduct, threats, and pepper spray.

The couple is out on a bail bond now and will be back in court in mid-April, according to the Associated Press. Meanwhile, a young man who is unrelated to them had a split lip and lost a tooth when he was hit in the face during the dispute. His mother used pepper spray to stop the brawl, but Fox News reports that this was only after her son was hurt. She was not charged with a crime.

Last month, former Breitbart reporter Michelle Fields alleged (and security video confirmed) that Donald Trump's campaign manager, Corey Lewandowski, roughly grabbed her arm at a campaign press conference, leaving bruises. Trump and his campaign denied the allegations and the matter caused a mini-implosion at Breitbart, with both Fields and Ben Shapiro leaving the company, citing a lack of support.

Today, the Jupiter (Florida) Police Department charged Lewandowski with battery and he turned himself in to police.