Legally Weird: Dumb Crime Archives
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Are you a fan of Manhattan's South Korean "massage parlors?" Did you perhaps call one, looking not for a message, but instead for a "girlfriend experience?" Were you silly enough to use your real phone to make that call?

Well, congratulations! Federal authorities now have your phone number, and possibly some identifying information, like hair color or whether or not you were a jerk when you visited. Do you not know what a burner phone is? How have you not seen "The Wire" yet? Geez.

Parenting ain't easy. And sometimes you might just want to take the edge off during your evening walk with your child. But a relaxing beer or cocktail after work is a far cry from pushing your baby "down steps in a stroller and bumping into buildings and bushes."

The former might be socially acceptable. The latter will get you arrested.

CT Couple Arrested After Crab Leg Battle at Buffet

People can get pretty picky about their food, or rather, crabby. A couple in Connecticut was arrested this weekend after a dispute over crab legs at a buffet turned into a battle between patrons involving assault, disorderly conduct, threats, and pepper spray.

The couple is out on a bail bond now and will be back in court in mid-April, according to the Associated Press. Meanwhile, a young man who is unrelated to them had a split lip and lost a tooth when he was hit in the face during the dispute. His mother used pepper spray to stop the brawl, but Fox News reports that this was only after her son was hurt. She was not charged with a crime.

Last month, former Breitbart reporter Michelle Fields alleged (and security video confirmed) that Donald Trump's campaign manager, Corey Lewandowski, roughly grabbed her arm at a campaign press conference, leaving bruises. Trump and his campaign denied the allegations and the matter caused a mini-implosion at Breitbart, with both Fields and Ben Shapiro leaving the company, citing a lack of support.

Today, the Jupiter (Florida) Police Department charged Lewandowski with battery and he turned himself in to police.

Man Arrested for VHS Rental Overdue by 14 Years

The busted taillight is a driving offense that has triggered thousands of arrests, maybe more, including that of James Meyers, 37, of North Carolina. It's not the taillight that's the problem, but getting pulled over is an opportunity for cops to run a name and find out if there are any warrants out for an arrest. There was one for Meyers -- he failed to return a rented video 14 years ago.

Now Tom Green, the star of the overdue movie "Freddy Got Fingered," is offering to pay Meyers' fines. Here's what happened and how Tom Green got involved.

2-Man-1-Car-3-Crash DUI May Be a First

Some crimes are so absurd that even police think they are funny. "Kind of comical" is in fact how one Salem, Massachusetts police lieutenant described the night this week when he saw two men arrested for drunk driving in the same car after switching seats during a series of small crashes.

The accused are Erik Leibowitz, 43, and Juan Rodriguez, 46. The two were recorded on surveillance cameras and were reportedly seen switching seats repeatedly. Unfortunately, that was not enough to rectify the situation and both have been charged with DUI.

Was This the World's First Taylor Swift Burglary?

Even those of us who do not follow the many highs of Taylor Swift's career or the highs and lows of her romantic life know this -- she is not married. The young pop goddess is allegedly attached to a Scottish DJ named Calvin Harris and just celebrated her one-year dating anniversary with him. Still, recently, a different young man -- Paul Herrin, 26 -- broke into a Tennessee home claiming he was there to save his wife, Taylor Swift, according to ABC News.

Swift is always in the headlines, but this may be the first time she has been associated with an aggravated burglary. Paul Herrin, Swift's supposed savior and husband, was arrested after a Tennessee homeowner called police to complain about his claim (at least it was age-appropriate, Swift is also 26).

When five female passengers start throwing haymakers some 30,000 feet over the Cornhusker State, you start to wonder: which long arm of the law will be prosecuting these productive members of society? The cops in Baltimore, where the flight originated? Or in LA, where we're going to land? Doesn't the Federal Aviation Administration have jurisdiction over the skies?

Unfortunately, we might not get that answer -- these lucky ladies may have avoided all charges.

Teen Burns Ex's Love Letter, Charged Criminally for School Fire

Romeo and Juliet are the classic teen drama queens, their love so strong it killed them. But teens today may be less committed, but their passions still run hot. Specifically, they blaze, causing $20,000 in damages. Or at least that's true for a lovelorn teen in Anchorage, Alaska who burned a letter from an ex in the school playground and has since been charged criminally for this mischief.

Two 18-year-olds have been charged with criminal mischief, failure to control or report a fire, and negligent burning for the act. It is the fourth fire in the Anchorage School District since June, reports KTUU News, and costs are adding up.

We all want to pay less taxes, and we all know that dependents get you extra tax breaks. Most of us know that you shouldn't lie about the number of dependents you have, and I'm pretty sure that almost all of us know that you shouldn't put on ad on Craigslist looking for kids to claim as your dependents so you can get a bigger tax refund. All of us except for Raheem McClain, that is.

McClain has been indicted for filing false tax returns after he posted an ad on Craigslist offering $750 for unclaimed children that he could list as dependents on his tax return. Maybe the biggest surprise? He found a few.