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Old Man Writes to Federal Court to Complain About Deflategate Decision

They say that with age comes patience and wisdom, but one World War II veteran, 93, is short on the former. He wrote a letter to federal judges on the Second Circuit Court of Appeals to let them know that their recent intervention in a sports scandal is, well, scandalous.

Calling a decision to overturn a ruling for quarterback Tom Brady and reinstate his four-game suspension for Deflategate "asinine," Warren B. Lessing chided the judges for wasting time. "Don't you have anything more important to do," he asked in his letter, reports the New York Daily News. Let's see why he's angry.

Poultry Workers Need Longer Bathroom Breaks, Report Claims

You care if your chickens roam free and get healthy feed, whether the meat is organic or not. So probably you also care about poultry workers and the conditions in which they work, which are reportedly not great. According to Oxfam America, poultry workers routinely complain of insufficient bathroom breaks and some say that they wear diapers on the job to deal with the problem.

Having adequate bathroom breaks is written into the law, and it's not optional for employers to allow them. So what's going on in the poultry industry?

Payless Pulls Light Up Toddler Sneakers on Fire Fears

If you have had cause to shop for kids’ gear in the last few years then you know that there’s a lot of fun stuff out there now. New technologies allow for new materials to be integrated into fabrics, resulting in wondrous items like sneakers that roll or light up, or both.

But Payless Shoe Source this week pulled some illuminated sneakers after a Texas family reported that the shoes were flammable, according to the Huffington Post. Luckily, the little boy whose Jake and the Neverland Pirates sneakers burned was not wearing them when the fire occurred and was not hurt. The company says it is investigating the cause of the fire and has removed the shoes from store shelves for now. The boy’s mother, however, blames the battery.

One of the first principles of law most of us learn, even if we never go to law school, is that stealing is wrong, even if you're hungry. The concept goes so far to prohibit cannibalism, even if you're lost at sea for 14 months, and prohibit giving out free school lunch, even to starving students.

But Italy's highest court might be pushing back against that idea. The country's Supreme Court of Cassation recently overturned the conviction of a man who didn't pay for $4.60 worth of cheese and sausages from a market, ruling instead that he was sufficiently hungry and "acting therefore in a state of need." So how hungry do you have to be to justify stealing food?

There are plenty of students and employees out there that will do anything for a day, or even an afternoon off school or work. Sadly, there appear to be plenty of teachers and employers out there that will do anything to spoil a good time, like asking for a doctor's note and even calling the number to prove it's legit.

The market abhors a vacuum, so in steps BestFakeDoctorsNotes.net to the rescue. Now hooky-playing high school students and burnt out account reps can acquire Get Out of Jail Free cards, right on the Internet. Truly this is a golden age. But is any of it legal?

In a bizarre legal loophole, Oklahoma's criminal statutes don't prohibit forcible oral sodomy if the victim is too intoxicated to consent, even to the point of complete unconsciousness. So said a unanimous state appeals court, confirming a lower court's dismissal of criminal charges against one teen who had oral sex with another who said she has no memory of the incident and whose blood alcohol content afterwards was .34.

In a curt, two-page opinion, four judges on Oklahoma's Court of Criminal Appeals agreed that they "will not, in order to justify prosecution of a person for an offense, enlarge a statute beyond the fair meaning of its language." So what is the statute, and what, specifically, is its language?

CT Woman Calls 911 for Pizza Problem

Emergency dispatch services are always available to handle a range of issues, but pizza delivery complaints are not among them. A woman in Hartford, Connecticut, who remained unnamed in media reports, called 911 to say that she ordered a small half-bacon pizza and instead got a half-hamburger, according to UPI.

The 911 dispatcher took this in stride and by all accounts was extremely reasonable, considering the nature of this lady's emergency. But sometimes people are punished for making false emergency calls.

If you, like me, were wondering when you'd finally be able to get married with a pasta strainer on your head, your day of joy has finally arrived. New Zealand has granted the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, whose members refer to themselves as "Pastafarians," the right to perform marriages in the country last year.

And although the group has yet to tie a couple's "noodley knot" just yet, it's likely only a matter of time before American Pastafarians can enjoy the same marriage rights as their Kiwi counterparts.

If peeing in public is cool, consider San Francisco to be Miles Davis. The City by the Bay has had a long history battling public urination, and has deployed numerous strategies, from $500 fines to urine-repellant paint, to deter public pissers, with little or no success.

But San Francisco may have finally stumbled upon a solution. The city's (and possibly the nation's) first open air urinal, located in newly renovated Dolores Park. Just in time for the Super Bowl!

23 Car Crashes in 5 Years: Insurance Fraud?

What would you do for $55 grand? Would you crash your car two dozen times? How about if it was a crime? A man in Utah claimed 23 car accidents in the last 5 years to collect on insurance and now he's collecting criminal charges, according to the Associated Press.

Navid Monjazeb got over $55,000 from insurance carriers over 5 years. Now he has added criminal charges to his collection and he is looking at 12 counts of insurance fraud, 2 counts of forgery, 7 counts of reckless endangerment, and a pattern of unlawful activity after making allegedly false claims.