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The Dummy Files: Freedom to Look Good, Shackled Racing, and More

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By Javier Lavagnino, Esq. on June 12, 2009 4:57 PM

Because there's so much "good" stuff that goes on in with criminals and the justice system, FindLaw's Blotter will be closing out each week with the best of the worst, so to speak. Yes, this will be the stuff that makes you wonder just how the criminal brain and justice system work, or (more likely?) how they fail to do so. And with such fanfare, the Dummy Files are open:

With friends like this...: After a night of drinking, two buddies in New Hampshire ended up arguing over a whopping $10 bar tab. No big deal right? Well, one of them allegedly ended up on the hood of the other's car, with the other driving... If that's not bad enough, the suspect supposedly bailed only to come back later to drive over the lawn, lawn statues (left up to our imagination), and hit a light post, a garage door, and oh yeah, the first victim's dad (only minor injuries there, thankfully). The suspect got charged with two counts of first-degree assault, reckless conduct and criminal mischief. Yeah, no DUI apparently. Maybe the guy wasn't over the legal limit? Somehow, that just doesn't seem to fit in with the story...

A Cry for Help? A Pennsylvania man found himself under arrest after allegedly speeding in a police station parking lot, parking between two marked police cruisers (in a reserved spot), then throwing back his seat to take a nap. An officer who saw the guy park, noticed an empty vodka bottle on the floor of the car and proceeded to locate a pipe with traces of marijuana. There really isn't a whole lot to be said on this one, but a DUI charge was definitely involved.

Little League Coach of the Year: A Little League coach in Arlington, Wash. may have put together a top-notch squad this year. He also might have had some great lessons and training to pass on to his Little Leaguers, but their legality is up in the air. Coach George Spady Jr. allegedly took his son, a nephew and another player from his baseball team to a vacant shop where he had one of them crawl into the store through a vent and open up the door. Spady and the boys then supposedly went in and helped themselves to "overhead lights and bolts", of all things. For his part, Spady told investigators "the front door to the shop was unlocked and he couldn't recall if anyone went through a vent to get inside." Pretty smooth...

New Sport? After 29-year-old Lawrence Harden Jr. got arrested in Arkansas for a liquor-store robbery, little did police know that they may have had some weird combination of magician and athlete on their hands. Upon being arrested he was handcuffed, put in leg shackles (he'd already tried to run away), and strapped into a seat belt. However, on the way to the jail, an officer said Harden "got the window down", got out the back door, and by the time the officer turned around, was off to the races while "still wearing handcuffs and leg irons." Tracking dogs had to be brought in to catch him, whereupon he proceeded to escape, and be recaptured, again. The officer said "he was the fastest man he's ever seen in leg irons."

Freedom to Look Good: A man who ripped the wig off a legislator in Taiwan got himself a 5-month jail sentence for "depriving the MP of his freedom to look good." Yeah, I know this isn't U.S. law, but come on, the freedom to look good? How could the Founding Fathers have missed that one?!?

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