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Kim Kardashian might live for the limelight, but even she knows that not all publicity is good publicity. Kimmie K. dutifully showed up to court for a hearing to settle her divorce confidentially. Instead, it was her estranged hubby, Kris Humphries, who pulled a Lindsay Lohan and failed to appear in court. If the two can’t reach an agreement, a public (and likely messy) divorce is set to begin in early May.
The settlement hearing was supposed to prevent a drawn-out divorce, but it completely failed. Here are a few reasons why mediation could have helped Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries:
1. Privacy, privacy, privacy.
A courtroom divorce is painfully public. We learn awkward factoids about celebrities that we love to know, but really, shouldn't know. Since courtrooms are open to the public, everyone will learn about the nitty-gritty details of their divorce.
Mediators can't spill anything they learn to your favorite tabloid because they are bound by confidentiality agreements. Their lips are sealed, and so are their documents.
2. Judges are people, and some of them even watch TV.
This might come as a huge surprise, but judges are humans. Some of them might even watch "Keeping Up With the Kardashians." Funny image aside, a judge watching the show could be a problem if it causes him or her to have an unfair bias.
Mediators can watch KUWTK marathons and be completely fine because they are neutral third parties who are mostly there to help the couple talk to each other like civil adults. The mediator can't sway the settlement one way or another.
3. Kanye is the baby daddy, not Kris.
Short marriages with no children are easier to resolve, or in celebrity cases, less difficult to resolve. Alimony could be an issue, but since Kim and Kris were married for a whopping 72 days, it's probably a waste of time and money to duke it out in court. Since this case appears to have more emotional and financial issues than legal issues, a series of mediation sessions might have been more appropriate.
4. Gotye is right, you don't need to cut people off.
Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries are probably interested in moving on with their lives. The "winner takes all" attitude of litigation is the worst thing that could happen to couples who are former flames-turned-foes. It brings out the ugly in pretty people. The impending public divorce has quite the list of witnesses and includes Kim's mom and sisters, and Kris Humphries himself, Us Weekly reports. You can hang all the hair extensions you want -- on the witnesses, experts, and judge -- but there is no way to cover up all that aggressive bitterness brewing.
Mediation, although not perfect, is a safe-space. A judge doesn't make the final call, the couple does. When it's less about winning and more about problem-solving, couples can walk away more satisfied, and more ready to move on.