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Russian Guy From Every Sitcom Ever Charged With Killing Rabbit

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By William Peacock, Esq. on December 12, 2014 12:32 PM

Some call it typecasting. Some call it being a bit player. Dimitri Diatchenko calls it a career.

He's not a household name, but you've probably seen him on television or in a movie, or heard his voice in a video game. Diatchenko is the guy they call when they need a Boris, Yuri, or Olag -- the "big muscular Russian gangster" archetype.

His credits include "2 Broke Girls," "How I Met Your Mother," "Sons of Anarchy," and on the silver screen, "G.I. Jane" and that "Indiana Jones" sequel that we'd rather not remember. His most recent role, however, is a little less prestigious: According to police, he re-enacted a scene from the 1987 film "Fatal Attraction" by skinning and eating his ex-lover's pet rabbit, reports The New York Daily News.

Round Here, We Call It Huntin'!

Where I come from, we'd call skinning and eating a rabbit "dinner" or "hunting" or "good sport." In Los Angeles, they call it animal cruelty, apparently.

In all seriousness though, Diatchenko allegedly skinned, cooked, and ate half of the rabbit while sending pictures to his estranged ex-girlfriend of the step-by-step process. When she returned home, he allegedly threatened her as well.

The two recently broke up, but still lived together. According to the Daily News, the impromptu meal happened after she told him that she thought it would be better if they stopped living together.

This Could Mean Prison

Prison? Again folks in America, this is California we're talking about -- there are over 50 animal cruelty statutes on the books. The most commonly used one is Penal Code Section 597, which itself is a doozy -- 947 words of legalese.

Here's the short version: Don't maim, torture, mutilate, or beat animals. Hunting is thankfully still legal in this state, but hunting house pets certainly isn't, nor is documenting the experience in photos and using those photos to threaten an ex-girlfriend.

Section 597 is what lawyers like to call a "wobbler:" an offense that can be charged as either a felony or a misdemeanor. Prosecutors, whose job it is to make citizens' lives a living hell, typically charge the felony variant (that seems to be the case with Diatchenko) in order to coerce the defendant into taking a plea to the misdemeanor charge.

If we were the betting types, we'd guess this ends up as a misdemeanor plea for a few weeks in jail.

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