Christina Milian, a singer and actress, is spilling her secrets to the Huffington Post. Now 34, she spoke up about an abusive relationship she had at 18 because, she says, she is hoping to help other young women.
"I've been holding on to this for too long," she said. "I lived in fear for a long time. I'm here to save someone. I really want to help other people, especially the youth." Whether or not she is truly entirely motivated by her love of humanity (she might be slightly motivated to promote her television show, for example), her tale of domestic abuse is harrowing and possibly instructive to others.
Timing Is Everything
As the star of a reality TV show about herself -- Christina Milian Turned Up -- the entertainer is used to telling it all. For anyone interested, you can see her discussing herself and her life on a regular basis all over the place, from television to social media.
Still, she says, when she was just 18 and got her first record deal, she was extremely insecure. Being romantically associated with an abuser made things much worse. "The days when I would gain strength to leave him, he would call me and say he was going to kill himself -- literally! He had a gun and shot the gun, then acted like he was dying. I'm on the phone and can't do anything, so I called the police."
Advice for the Abused
Milian's experiences were formative. It took her a long time to leave the man and even longer to open up, but she advises others to speak up.
"When I finally released it and I heard myself talk about it with family and friends it became therapy. Admit to your family about the abuse. You didn't deserve being hurt. Find an outlet. Discussing it is therapy."
Milian says that she now sees signs of possible future tyranny in behaviors that once might have seemed cute. A hint of jealousy or an inkling that there might be abuse down the line, and she moves on. She explains, "I call it out. I say 'I see you monster.'"