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Semen-Tainted Yogurt Samples: DNA Gets Grocery Employee Indicted

Most of the work that comes across a BigLaw employee's desk is dry, flavor-less stuff. Rarely do you get to rack up the billable hours reviewing cases of semen-tainted yogurt.

To help spice up your legal life, here's the story of some unlucky shoppers at a New Mexico Sunflower Market that got a taste of employee Anthony Garcia's "special" Greek yogurt.

Garcia had been handing out what was supposed to be yogurt samples at the Sunflower Market in Albuquerque. A woman got a taste of the sample. She realized it wasn't yogurt. It was something else, reports KASA-TV.

The yogurt was actually tainted with Garcia's semen, a fact that was verified through a DNA test, KASA-TV reports. Now, Garcia has been indicted by the federal grand jury.

The federal charges? Adulterating food with semen and making a false statement to federal investigators during a criminal investigation. Bet you don't hear about that kind of charge in your everyday affairs.

Garcia was arrested on Wednesday by U.S. Food and Drug Administration and the Albuquerque police. The adulteration charge carries a penalty of up to 3 years in prison and a $250,000 fine with a year of supervised release. The false statement charge could put Garcia away for up to 5 years, reports KOAT-TV.

Adulterating food is a violation of federal law, and is often a violation of state law as well, depending on the jurisdiction. The FDA's Federal Food, Drug, and Cosmetic Act, in part, defines adulterated food as food that contains poisonous, insanitary or deleterious ingredients.

Seems fairly safe to say that Garcia's semen qualifies as "insanitary." It's not like it's that nutritious. One would have to drink gallons of it a day. And really, with some 2,000 hours a year to bill, who has that kind of time?

The Sunflower Market in Albuquerque is also not coming away from the semen-tainted yogurt incident without a, eh, red eye. Both Garcia and Sunflower Market are being sued by two of Garcia's unfortunate victims. Apparently, Garcia has a long rap sheet, including charges of child molestation. He was awaiting trial on those charges when he was hired by Sunflower Markets.

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