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The 12 Days of Christmas -- for Lawyers

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By Mark Wilson, Esq. on December 24, 2014 7:44 AM

On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

12 Waivers Waving -- Yup, the best way of going about stopping a class action is preventing it from starting. And how do you do that? Binding arbitration with a class action waiver, of course.

11 Circuits Piping -- But that's not counting the D.C. and Federal Circuits, which make Lucky 13. Why hasn't the Ninth Circuit been split up, again?

10 Lawyers Leaping -- Right into the criminal justice system. It's not even 10, but it might as well be, between the New York Ponzi scheme lawyer, the suspected DWI lawyer, the U. Conn. law professor nabbed in the prostitution sting, the lawyers who allegedly tried to kill their former managing partner ... well, the list goes on. The "naughty" list, that is.

9 Justices Dancing -- Well, maybe just one: We learned earlier in 2014 that Justice Sonia Sotomayor spiced up last year's SCOTUS Christmas party with an impromptu salsa dance. Who knows what shenanigans she'll get into this year!

8 Wage and Hour Claims -- Thanks to the NLRB, we have at least that many to look forward to next year with McDonald's alone, but this year was filled with more wage and hour claims than ever before.

7 Associates Swimming -- That is, barely keeping their heads above water.

6th Circuit Losing -- Well, hopefully. The Sixth is, so far, the only circuit to uphold a same-sex marriage ban. Thanks to them, though, what everyone thought was a peaceful, happy cert. denial is going to turn into a full-on oral argument.

5! Law-yer! Films! -- Especially pertinent is the courtroom scene from "Miracle on 34th Street," in which the U.S. Postal Service proves that Kris Kringle really is Santa Claus.

4 Partners Fuming -- Did you lose that important case? Forget to cite that other important case? Well, it's practically the new year, so you can forget about all that. Just make sure that you remember the case next time.

3 Junk Patents -- Santa brought us a fun surprise when "on a computer" business method patents fell in at least three big cases, including Alice v. CLS Bank.

2 (Thousand) Billable Hours -- It's almost the end of the year, which means no bonus if you don't meet your billable requirements. Have you taken stock of every itsy bitsy thing you can? Don't forget: A minute on the phone is six minutes on the phone.

And a Grand Old Scalia Op-ree! Seriously, though, the man loves opera. We imagine it's the only thing he and Justice Ginsburg can agree on.

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