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Valentine's Day is fast approaching, and it's time to start thinking about what to get the special lawyer in your life. (You could also wait until the last minute and get a Whitman's Sampler from Walgreen's, but all that says is "I forgot about Valentine's Day.")
Hopefully, your BigLaw associate significant other doesn't have to work late into the night. And even if he or she does, here are some gift ideas that will making coming home at 1 a.m. all the better:
1. These Supreme Court Valentine's Day Cards.
You can't go wrong with the old standbys. In 2013, the Georgetown University Law Weekly published these free, printable Valentine's cards featuring such gems as Justice Ginsburg saying, "You violated the 5th Amendment when you took my heart without due process." It doesn't get better than that. (Although why is Justice Scalia, and not Potter Stewart, saying, "Love? I know it when I see it"?)
2. Lawyer-Themed Chocolates.
Who doesn't love chocolate? Donald Sterling and Sauron, that's who. You could go with the old-school heart-shaped box of chocolates (ho hum) or indulge in some lawyer-themed candy. How about a 10-ounce chocolate gavel? Or if you want to be a little more on the nose, a chocolate plaque that says "lawyer"? That one's slightly less creative, but it gets the point across.
3. Secret Booze.
"Work is the curse of the drinking class," Oscar Wilde once said. That goes double for lawyers, who are so notorious for drinking too much that we have special CLE requirements just for it. Hopefully your lawyer can handle his or her liquor, which is why you should celebrate Valentine's Day with this super-cool "drinks book." It looks like an olde timey book, but it really hides room for some booze and a few glasses. The perfect way to hide a drinking habit. (Sadly, it comes all the way from the UK and costs an unfortunate £359, or $547.)
Marketed as "Valentine's Day candy for the rest of us," these candies may look like the familiar chalk-flavored candy hearts you grew up throwing away (because they're disgusting and taste like chalk), but they sure don't act like it. More realistic sayings include "Annulment," "Parole is up," and "Used U 4 Fun." (You are just kidding, right?)
5. Do-It-Yourself Edible Meat Underwear.
This gift has everything. You made it yourself? Check. Edible underwear? Check. Meat? Check and check. The "edible underwear" part says Valentine's Day, but the "meat" part says "I know that not everyone likes candy." Plus, it's got that rustic, medieval charm that's so hot right now.
Be sure to have a breath mint before you get funky.