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Your Life as a New Attorney -- in Limerick Form

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By Mark Wilson, Esq. on May 12, 2015 1:55 PM

Did you know it is Limerick Day? Well, now you do. And in honor of said day, we present to all of you soon-to-be Greedy Associates a poem on what it's like to be a brand-new attorney.

It's not too late to go to culinary school, you know.

There once was a student of law,
Who studied until he was raw.
He took the state bar,
Then moved very far
To work at a firm full of flaws.

At the law, he's a bit of a knob.
He passed tests like the rest of the slobs.
Oh, why didn't school
Prepare this poor fool
For actually doing his job?

The hours, he bills by the ton,
But his job is just not any fun!
There are worse things to do,
Like your friends' doc review,
But this isn't a war to be won.

Social life? That will take a back seat
To the partners' constant entreat.
"All this stuff -- draft by five,
"So your job stays alive,"
They all say as they lace up golf cleats.

You don't know how to file this thing!
You don't know how to make this brief sing!
You've worked over twelve hours
'Til sleep overpowers
Just so you can meet all your bill-ing.

But the perks, they are all very nice.
Use the sauna, the gym, in a trice.
You'd better be quick,
And don't dare call in sick!
Or your bonus will get a big slice.

You've consoled yourself so you can say,
"Once my loans are paid, I'll move away!"
Then you get so invested
That you cannot be wrested
From a terrible job with great pay.

And they're paying you lots of cash -- right?
One forty or less is a slight!
Oh, wait, I forgot;
Only BigLaw is hot.
Your small firm's not paying a lot.

Let's be clear: I'm not saying it's hopeless.
But law now is very ferocious.
Unless Harvard or Yale
Is from where you hale,
The job market's still quite atrocious.

But if you're one of those few
Who finds the law job that's for you,
Then count all your blessings
And stop second-guessing,
Because your career search is through!

If it turns out that firm life's not great,
You can always move on back upstate.
Instead, be a painter!
Or maybe a baker!
Your happiness isn't up for debate.

OK, maybe the practice of law isn't as bad as that, but the market's still not that great and you're lucky to have a job at all. After all, you could be stuck doing doing doc review and dreaming of a job that lets you write legal limericks all day.

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