Legal Grounds - The FindLaw Legal News with an Attitude Blog


Sales, no matter what you're selling, are a tough racket. You need a great product, great pitch, and a great sales team. And it helps if you have a "closer" on that team -- someone who can come in late and seal the deal. It also helps if that closer is a former stripper and she's giving lap dances in clubs to your doctor clients to get them to prescribe more of your opioids.

That accusation was lobbed at Sunrise Lee, a former regional sales director for Insys Therapeutics, and was made during court testimony involving federal racketeering charges against Lee and four other Insys executives. Fun!

Pound of Meth Found in Apple Store Mystery Package

The Apple Store in Grand Central Station undoubtedly gets weekly shipments of packages filled with addictive contents. But this summer, one arrived that was quite extraordinary. An incredibly unusual chain of events transpired over the summer, culminating in the arrest of Richard Dean Desain of Los Angeles for a host of meth-related charges.

This week, Desain was arraigned for conspiring to deliver multiple shipments of methamphetamine worth tens of thousands of dollars, with plans to distribute them across the New York City area. Specifically, Desain was charged with conspiracy in the second and fourth charges, criminal sale of a controlled substance in the second degree, and criminal possession of a controlled substance in the second and third degrees. He has pleaded not guilty.

In what other state in this great nation would a sheriff's deputy package toy dynamite in a box, insert a note saying "Boom," and use interoffice mail to send it to his lieutenant as a prank? Former Pinellas County Sheriff's Deputy James Piper, a 59-year-old with 35 years on the force did just that, leading to the evacuation of the administration building and his own resignation.

Apparently not everyone thinks fake bombs are funny.

Most of us know what we're getting with a veggie or "garden" burger. Tofurky? Not that confusing. After all, the makers of vegetarian animal flesh alternatives would have a tough time reaching their target audience if those alternatives sounded too much like the real thing.

Still, the State of Missouri wants to save you from trying to eat meat and eating a plant instead. State lawmakers passed a bill that prohibits "misrepresenting a product as meat that is not derived from harvested production livestock or poultry." And if you call non-meat "meat," you could be facing a year in jail and a $2,000 fine.

"My supervisor and I have verified that New Mexico is a state."

Not exactly what you expect to hear from a marriage clerk. Perhaps from a middle schooler clowning around in a geography class, but not a civil servant in our nation's capital. But that's apparently what Gavin Clarkson was told after a back-and-forth with a D.C. Marriage Bureau clerk last month that included the clerk asking to see Clarkson's "New Mexico passport."

Oof.

Look, we're not saying the New York Jets are a good football team or even an above-average one. The team hasn't made the playoffs since 2010, and has been the butt of jokes for years. In fact, you probably shouldn't ever watch the Jets -- not if they show up on ESPN highlowlights; not if they're playing against your favorite team; not even if you've been a lifelong fan.

What we are saying is that, from a strictly legal standpoint, "I drank too much because the Jets suck!" is not going to get you out of a DUI conviction.

Man Sues to Lower Age by 20 Years

Dismayed by the Tinder prospects for a 69 year old male, Emile Ratelband, a resident of the Netherlands, has petitioned the court to allow him to legally lower his age by 20 years. According to his reasoning, "We live in a time when you can change your name and change your gender. Why can't I decide my own age?" Though this seems utterly laughable, perhaps it is an interesting philosophical debate to have over a beer or two.

We all want to celebrate Halloween in our own way. And for some of us, that means thousands of dollars in scary costumes and spooky decorations. That's all well and good, as long as we're actually paying for it.

But a New Mexico couple went on a Halloween shopping spree, all with stolen credit card numbers. And they would've gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for some sharp costume shop employees.

Perhaps Jason Anderson and Luz Ortega thought they were outsmarting Tarvares Hargrave by cheating him during a drug sale. Maybe they thought they were outsmarting the cops by not actually having drugs for sale. And maybe they didn't even know what they had for sale wasn't drugs. Either way, the couple's plan backfired in the Raleigh-Durham International Airport, as all three were arrested for trafficking 10 bars of Ivory soap.

Yep.

In the United States, we normally have a clear separation of powers: the legislative branch makes the laws, the judicial branch interprets them, and the executive branch enforces them. But every now and then, when one branch isn't around to help, another has to step in. Or, in this case, run down.

Absent any help from a court bailiff or sheriff's officers, Judge R.W. Buzzard leapt from behind his bench during a court hearing, ripped off his judicial robe, and chased after two handcuffed inmates as they tried to make their escape. And he nabbed one of them.