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Latest Threat to Religious Freedom: Bike Lanes?

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By Christopher Coble, Esq. on October 21, 2015 12:49 PM

The War on Christmas. The removal of the Ten Commandments from capitol buildings. The onslaught to our rights of religious freedom is real and it is everywhere. Even from the department of transportation and its insistence on putting bicyclists between us and our god.

That's right -- the Washington D.C. District Department of Transportation is exploring the possibility of protected bike lanes on a busy street. And if we can't park our cars, how can we say our prayers?

Dedicated Bike Lanes vs. Deities

It may seem like an innocuous effort to ease traffic congestion and make cycling safer, but we know the truth. Reducing the number of diagonal parking spaces on a street is another secular attack on our efforts to communicate with our lord and savior. The attorney for the United House of Prayer hit the anti-religious nail on the head:

"As you know, bicycles have freely and safely traversed the District of Columbia throughout the 90-year history of the United House of Prayer, without any protected bicycle lanes and without infringing in the least on the United House of Prayer's religious rights."

For almost a century, we've been exercising our religion by parking our cars as close to the church as possible, and this is another attempt by Congress to make a law prohibiting us from doing just that.

Cyclists vs. Our Constitution

Clearly our founding fathers intended to protect our right to get our automobiles as close to our places of worship and possible, and any attempt to make devout people walk or use public transit would be an unconstitutionally undue burden on people who want to pray. Pretty sure that's in the Federalist Papers, y'all.

Some may not take this new threat seriously, but this is why we support religious freedom restoration acts. So that we are free to drive wherever we want, and smoke whatever we want.

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