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Sales, no matter what you're selling, are a tough racket. You need a great product, great pitch, and a great sales team. And it helps if you have a "closer" on that team -- someone who can come in late and seal the deal. It also helps if that closer is a former stripper and she's giving lap dances in clubs to your doctor clients to get them to prescribe more of your opioids.

That accusation was lobbed at Sunrise Lee, a former regional sales director for Insys Therapeutics, and was made during court testimony involving federal racketeering charges against Lee and four other Insys executives. Fun!

Most of us know what we're getting with a veggie or "garden" burger. Tofurky? Not that confusing. After all, the makers of vegetarian animal flesh alternatives would have a tough time reaching their target audience if those alternatives sounded too much like the real thing.

Still, the State of Missouri wants to save you from trying to eat meat and eating a plant instead. State lawmakers passed a bill that prohibits "misrepresenting a product as meat that is not derived from harvested production livestock or poultry." And if you call non-meat "meat," you could be facing a year in jail and a $2,000 fine.

It seems that every time a bounce house is inflated, it's bouncing away with toddlers inside. And our inflatable water slides are being shut down by federal consumer safety commissions. But we just can't stop blowing air into things and making them huge.

"There's nothing better than seeing a little kid walk into a giant pumpkin," Halloween Express owner Jon Majdoch told the Journal Sentinel. "They're just in awe." That was reason enough for Majdoch to forego the classic storefront and instead request a custom-made inflatable pumpkin in which to house his temporary costume shop; an inflatable pumpkin that collapsed, flooding the store, damaging goods inside, and leaving Majdoch unable to sell costumes and masks for two weeks leading up to Halloween last year. That tragedy kicked off some serious insurance litigation involving Majdoch's company and the manufacturer of the inflatable pumpkin.

You don't need to be a sneaker head to know the value of Air Jordans. Since their release 1984, annual releases of Nike's signature product are anxiously awaited, and some editions of the shoe can cost thousands of dollars on the secondary market. And if you can fool someone into thinking some fake Air Jordans are some real Air Jordans, you're making that profit instead of Nike.

You're also breaking the law. Federal prosecutors are claiming five New Yorkers -- Miyuki Suen, Jian Min Huang, Songhua Qu, Kin Lui Chen, and Fangrang Qu -- were part of an international counterfeit ring putting hundreds of thousands of fake Air Jordans on the street, and tens of millions of dollars in their pockets.

The last thing you want, if you're a maker of self-driving cars, is for one of those self-driving cars to crash. People don't want to ride in a self-driving car that crashes. Understandable, right?

But some crashes are inevitable. After all, people-driven cars crash all the time -- in staggering numbers, in fact -- and this is all very new technology, so there are bound to be some crashes. And the last thing you want your self-driving car to crash into? The cops.

Imagine you payed thousands of dollars for a heart monitor that could detect when you were about to have a heart attack. Except, instead of doing that, it peed on your expensive sofa and chewed through your new shoes. That's similar to what a lawsuit claims some consumers experienced when they purchased what they thought were "diabetic alert dogs." Now, the company that sold those dogs is being sued by the state's attorney general.

Looking for a great deal on a pre-owned vehicle? Tired of negotiating with those uppity, big-time salespeople? Having trouble getting approved for a car loan and want to pay cash instead?

Well come on down to Kansas City's impounded car auction! Where you'll find great deals on wrecked and abandoned cars, illegally parked vehicles, or newer models seized by police in criminal investigations! We've even got Chrysler sedans, Ford trucks, and a Lexus ES 300, straight off the lot. (Disclaimer: Don't pay attention to that federal lawsuit involving the sale of these vehicles.)

There's no doubt the children are our future. But with the drastic effects of climate change looming, their future is looking bleak, environmentally speaking. So what can be done? Sue the adults!

At least, those adults in charge of the government. Back in 2015, 21 children sued the U.S. government (from then-President Barack Obama to 11 federal agencies and their secretaries), claiming federal fossil fuel policy violates the Ninth Amendment rights of future generations. And despite repeated attempts to dodge the case, a federal judge set a trial date in October of this year when the adults in charge of the government will have to answer to the kids on climate change.

Is Your Uber Driver Sober?

Probably not the question you want to ask yourself as your rideshare rolls up, but after California's Consumer Protection and Enforcement Division (CPED) fined Uber $1.13 million for failing to investigate reports of inebriated drivers, you might want to double check your driver's breath.

A CPED investigation found that Uber's California operation received 2,047 complaints about drivers being under the influence in just one year between August 12, 2014 and August 31, 2015, and only deactivated drivers in 574 of those complaints, or less than one-third of all allegedly drunken drivers.

In what is being heralded as major win for those that want to eat healthier, but not too much healthier, nearly two dozen Dunkin' Donuts locations in Massachusetts will stop giving customers margarine, or butter substitute, when those customers order buttered bagels. Unfortunately, it took a lawsuit filed by one disappointed Dunkies devotee to get the chain to stop churning out bagels with fake butter.

While many might be surprised to learn that Dunkin' Donuts even sells bagels (we've all seen them, but never knew anyone actually bought 'em), those customers that ordered their bagels buttered have been tricked. Although the donut dealers have real butter, it is refrigerated and not left at the comfortable spreadable room temperature that true butter aficionados prefer, for food safety reasons. When customers order a buttered bagel, employees have been spreading margarine, or vegetable spread, on the bagels instead, all because those spread easier than chilled butter.