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'We have made an arrest in the case of the missing animals,' Santa Fe College Police Captain Ryan Woods said in a statement. 'Our investigation is continuing, and we are still concerned for the safety of the missing animals and we hope we are able to recover them quickly.'

That's how we find out that there are laws against having your own zoo in your own apartment, apparently. And here I thought we lived in America.

Or Florida, at least.

The last thing you want, if you're a maker of self-driving cars, is for one of those self-driving cars to crash. People don't want to ride in a self-driving car that crashes. Understandable, right?

But some crashes are inevitable. After all, people-driven cars crash all the time -- in staggering numbers, in fact -- and this is all very new technology, so there are bound to be some crashes. And the last thing you want your self-driving car to crash into? The cops.

As a school administrator, a good rule of thumb is to avoid so-called "scared straight" programs intended to intimidate students. Also, you don't want to invite police impersonators onto campus to carry out said intimidation. And, most importantly, you don't want to allow ersatz law enforcement to assault your students.

This may seem like common sense to you and I, but it was apparently news to the Leggett Community Learning Center, which is now being sued after a fake cop packing a real gun handcuffed and threatened to tase a child suffering from attention deficit disorder.

Diabetes service dogs. Emotional support pigs. Kangaroos? As the debate over which species make legally acceptable service and support animals rages on, one intrepid Florida squirrel has thrust herself into the national spotlight. Brutis, an eastern gray squirrel rescued the emotionally unstable Ryan Boylan during Hurricane Matthew last year. "Ever since then I mean, oh my God, I can't imagine not being around her," Boylan told WFLA.

The only problem is that Boylan's condo association has a thing about unregistered emotional support animals (and also unapproved tenants, apparently), and issued him, and Brutis, an eviction notice.

Icons from Steve Jobs to Mike Ditka have done it; perhaps Johnny Cash did it best. There is something primeval about flipping the bird, like it was the first, finest, and most simple and complete insult we ever learned and we have yet to find one better. The middle finger's wordless punch transcends linguistic barriers and leaves no doubt as to its intent. It is speech, perfected. Does that make it perfectly legal?

In most cases, flipping the bird is considered free speech protected by the First Amendment. But the limits to that protection might surprise you:

So we all like to vent online, and Twitter provides a worldwide platform for some epic rants. Look no further than our Commander in Chief for evidence of that. Given that the targets of those rants are people, and that when we're venting we tend to invent or at least exaggerate some negative aspects of those people, we run the risk of libel.

And anywhere there is risk, insurance is sure to follow. While libel insurance was once standard practice only among journalists, more and more laytweeters are looking into Twitter libel insurance policies.

If I told you a man was captured on cell phone video circling two AT&T service trucks and calmly firing round after round from a revolver into the trucks' tires, then asked you to name the state, I doubt you'd need all 50 guesses before you got to Florida.

Retired Miami-Dade firefighter Jorge Jove wasn't too pleased about the trucks being parked near his house. To be fair, who among us is? But most of us don't walk back into the house, emerge with a hand cannon, and open fire. The 64-year-old proved himself to be a crack shot, up close at least, and earned some criminal charges for his trouble.

It's no R2-D2, but the Knightscope Autonomous Data Machine is a pretty cool droid. According to its manufacturer and this dubstep-soundtracked trailer, the K5 can use 360-degree video, thermal imaging sensors, a laser range finder and radar, and even air quality sensors to detect and prevent crime. The K5 can contact law enforcement and even scare off sexual predators prowling around your Tesla in the parking lot.

But the K5 has one apparent vulnerability: 40-something drunk dudes in Silicon Valley shopping mall parking lots.

There is a well-understood if little-discussed quid pro quo when it comes to political campaign contributions: people and businesses give their money to candidates they feel will best represent their interests. Generally this entails voting how they would vote when it comes to pending legislation. But what about when elected officials have to vote on their campaign donors specifically?

As Vice reported, many (if not all) of President Donald Trump's picks for cabinet positions were major contributors to campaigns for senators who are now tasked with confirming those picks. Unsurprisingly, this doesn't sit too well with those who might feel these donors have now bought a senator's confirmation vote. So how can the average citizen compete with the vast resources that Trump's choices for cabinet positions bring to the political arena? GoFundMe, of course.

For every villain trying to blame a DUI on his pet squirrel or hastily fake a black ice-laced intersection, there are intoxicated heroes among us, willing to drive themselves drunk right up to the police station in an effort to turn themselves in.

And to these brave souls, Norman Boiselle of Old Mystic, Connecticut, who called the police to report that he was driving drunk and had crashed into a snowbank, we say, "Bravo!" And also, "You're under arrest."