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And they would've gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for those meddling aquarium goers, and staff, and surveillance video, and tips from the public...

In a robbery so brazen and ill-conceived that only the most generous would call it a heist, three Texans lifted a 16-inch horn shark from a tank at the San Antonio Aquarium, transferred "Miss Helen" to a towel-covered bucket, then wheeled her away in a baby stroller. They didn't make it far. Aquarium staff caught up to them in the parking lot, where the getaway driver had the integrity to leave his compatriots behind and speed off. He was arrested later the same day, and Miss Helen has been returned to her home tank.

Yes, yes, we've all heard the jokes before -- the federal government is full of crooks and lairs. But Amazon is mistaking congresspeople for actual criminals. The American Civil Liberties Union ran a little test on Amazon's facial recognition system, Rekognition, using it to compare public photos of every current member of the House and Senate to a database of 25,000 publicly available arrest photos. The results were not good.

The software ID'd 28 current congressmembers as criminals. And if you're cynically thinking, "I bet they were all people of color," well ... you're not entirely wrong.

With all the news of police shootings, many of which involve innocent or unarmed civilians and are caught on video, we might find it easy to rush to judgment of law enforcement officers after a firearm incident. But who among us has not attempted a backflip in bar around 1 a.m., had their handgun fall from their waistband, and then accidentally fired it into the crowd, striking a bystander in the leg?

It happens to the best of us, and it happened to off-duty, on-vacation FBI agent Chase Bishop in a Denver bar last month. The good news? The guy Bishop shot is going to be fine. The really good news? Bishop got his gun back.

Yes!

Allow us to elaborate. The recent eruptions of the Kilauea volcano on Hawai'i have shown us the beauty and devastation of nature. As gorgeous as lava eruptions and flows can be, however, they tend to be a tad bit dangerous as well. And despite repeated warnings from police, folks still wanted to get their selfies with the Aloha State's latest attraction.

So yes, you can definitely get arrested for trying to get a lava selfie.

'We have made an arrest in the case of the missing animals,' Santa Fe College Police Captain Ryan Woods said in a statement. 'Our investigation is continuing, and we are still concerned for the safety of the missing animals and we hope we are able to recover them quickly.'

That's how we find out that there are laws against having your own zoo in your own apartment, apparently. And here I thought we lived in America.

Or Florida, at least.

The last thing you want, if you're a maker of self-driving cars, is for one of those self-driving cars to crash. People don't want to ride in a self-driving car that crashes. Understandable, right?

But some crashes are inevitable. After all, people-driven cars crash all the time -- in staggering numbers, in fact -- and this is all very new technology, so there are bound to be some crashes. And the last thing you want your self-driving car to crash into? The cops.

As a school administrator, a good rule of thumb is to avoid so-called "scared straight" programs intended to intimidate students. Also, you don't want to invite police impersonators onto campus to carry out said intimidation. And, most importantly, you don't want to allow ersatz law enforcement to assault your students.

This may seem like common sense to you and I, but it was apparently news to the Leggett Community Learning Center, which is now being sued after a fake cop packing a real gun handcuffed and threatened to tase a child suffering from attention deficit disorder.

Diabetes service dogs. Emotional support pigs. Kangaroos? As the debate over which species make legally acceptable service and support animals rages on, one intrepid Florida squirrel has thrust herself into the national spotlight. Brutis, an eastern gray squirrel rescued the emotionally unstable Ryan Boylan during Hurricane Matthew last year. "Ever since then I mean, oh my God, I can't imagine not being around her," Boylan told WFLA.

The only problem is that Boylan's condo association has a thing about unregistered emotional support animals (and also unapproved tenants, apparently), and issued him, and Brutis, an eviction notice.

Icons from Steve Jobs to Mike Ditka have done it; perhaps Johnny Cash did it best. There is something primeval about flipping the bird, like it was the first, finest, and most simple and complete insult we ever learned and we have yet to find one better. The middle finger's wordless punch transcends linguistic barriers and leaves no doubt as to its intent. It is speech, perfected. Does that make it perfectly legal?

In most cases, flipping the bird is considered free speech protected by the First Amendment. But the limits to that protection might surprise you:

So we all like to vent online, and Twitter provides a worldwide platform for some epic rants. Look no further than our Commander in Chief for evidence of that. Given that the targets of those rants are people, and that when we're venting we tend to invent or at least exaggerate some negative aspects of those people, we run the risk of libel.

And anywhere there is risk, insurance is sure to follow. While libel insurance was once standard practice only among journalists, more and more laytweeters are looking into Twitter libel insurance policies.