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Squirrel Attack! Run for your lives!
When this blogger heard that a vicious squirrel was attacking residents in Bennington, Vermont, she had sudden visions of a full-fledged zombie squirrel attack wherein the evil critters battled it out for the pea-sized (or seed-sized) brain of Charlie Sheen.
As for the disappointingly zombie-less squirrel attacks, the squirrel was grey, the victims were human, and everyone should blame the local college students.
Kevin McDonald was shoveling snow when a vicious squirrel began scratching at his neck. He threw the rodent off twice, but the squirrel attack continued. He eventually made it safely into his home, happy to learn that his battle scars were not likely to result in rabies.
Intent on completing his nefarious mission, the vicious squirrel was at it again the next day. The squirrel challenged McDonald's neighbor to a duel, and she was only armed with a blanket and metal pole, reports the Bennington Banner. The pair would later learn that another woman down the street was also a squirrel attack victim.
Unfortunately, the local game warden says that, short of catching the squirrel, there isn't much anyone can do. However, it is believed that the squirrel was raised as a pet, explains the Village Voice, causing it to freak out when confronted with an unknown person.
If we were to subscribe to this theory, the only likely way for our intrepid squirrel attack victims to recover financially is to first find the squirrel's owner. In every state, pet owners are responsible for attacks, with some exceptions being made when a pet is provoked.
However, it's more likely that the squirrel was being held for some other purpose. The law also covers these situations. Possession of a wild animal (read: evil squirrels) often goes hand-in-hand with strict liability. This means that any injury caused is the responsibility of the owner.
But since no one knows who previously owned the squirrel, there's no one legally to blame. However, this blogger has a theory. If you've ever been on a college campus, then you've seen firsthand the symbiotic relationship between college students and squirrels. Well, Bennington just happens to be home to a four-year liberal arts university.