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In another of a series of bizarre events occurring in Dunkin' Donuts across the country, Christopher Hildreth, a former employee at the Jaffrey, New Hampshire location, has been charged with two counts of attempted simple assault after being caught placing his own "nasal mucus" in the chain's beloved coffee.
In a slightly ironic twist, his victims were none other than Detective Joseph Hileman and Lt. Terry Choate, two local police officers who happened to watch the entire debacle on video.
According to the police report, Hileman and Choate ordered coffee from Christopher Hildreth in June as they had done a number of times before. But, instead of using the equipment directly behind the counter, the Dunkin' Donuts barista headed into the back of the shop, which was decidedly out of the ordinary.
Curious, the Union Leader reports that the officers peeked at the store-front video monitor, on which they were able to watch Hildreth as he tossed his snot into their coffee.
Simple assault is defined as causing, or attempting to cause, "unprivileged physical contact with another" and is considered a misdemeanor in New Hampshire.
Much like a claim for civil battery, this simple assault law punishes those who touch someone else without first being given permission.
Even if the only touching involved the sharing of bodily fluids.
Luckily for other Jaffrey Dunkin' Donuts patrons, in addition to being criminally charged, Christopher Hildreth was immediately fired from his job, and will no longer be serving up coffee, donuts, or boogers anytime soon.