Block on Trump's Asylum Ban Upheld by Supreme Court
Chicago Police were dispatched to the home of Dawn and Arturo Montesdeoca on Saturday after receiving a call about a cupcake attack.
Mr. Montesdeoca was reportedly covered in frosting and crumbs when police arrived. He accused his wife of escalating a verbal disagreement into a full-blown food fight.
She has since been charged with domestic battery. There is no word as to whether she will be punished for ruining such delicious treats.
Unfortunately, the cupcakes' flavor is also unknown. While you wait patiently for this essential information, this blogger will continue on with more pressing matters:
How exactly does a cupcake attack rise to the level of domestic battery?
In Illinois domestic battery is defined as:
Dawn Montesdeoca is accused of smacking Arturo on the head prior to tossing cupcakes, reports ABC News. The statute does not require severe bodily harm, so this could be enough to convict.
Even without the slap, the cupcake attack itself could fit the second definition of domestic battery, as it requires no harm.
Instead, the contact must be insulting or designed to provoke the victim. This includes spitting on the victim, or even blowing smoke in his face.
Can you see how a dozen cupcakes to the face would be similar? Is it not offensive? Would you want to fight back?
The good prosecutors of Chicago answered these questions in the affirmative, and thus will be defending the cupcake's honor. Dawn Montesdeoca will soon appear in Domestic Violence Court to answer for the cupcake attack.