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If the reports are correct, officials at Miami's Federal Detention Center might want to install a stripper pole or two. It would certainly solidify its status as the nation's premiere stripper prison.
Confused? Let us explain. The maximum security prison actually houses a number of wealthy drug lords. Their expensive attorneys allegedly hire "South American pole dancers" to pose as paralegals and legal assistants, explains the Miami New Times. With such credentials, these women are free to visit prisoners, often smuggling in contraband like alcohol and porn.
They've also been reported to go topless during heated sessions of "legal counseling."
Officials have known about the scam for years, according to defense attorney Hugo Rodriguez. Local lawyers unaffectionately call the strippers "the little hoochie mamas."
You may be thinking that a conjugal visit or two would help solve the stripper prison problem. But the U.S. Federal Bureau of Prison does not allow conjugal visits. In fact, it is so serious about its ban on conjugal visits, that it has created a webpage simply to say, "The Federal Bureau of Prisons does not permit conjugal visits."
If these prisoners were housed in a state prison, it would be a different story. State law varies, but a number allow conjugal visits. However, it's a privilege--not a right--and only limited to legally married couples. In California and New York, that includes same-sex couples who are part of a civil union or registered domestic partnership.
So it would appear that there is no quick way to shutdown the stripper prison. Well, unless the prison wants to conduct a background check on every visiting woman.