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Most Floridians would blanch at being asked to kiss someone's butt, but one Sunshine State flasher is apparently willing to pay top dollar to pucker up for a stranger's bottom.
Law enforcement officers in Venice, Florida, are on the lookout for a man who allegedly offered two women $200, or $100 apiece, if they would allow him to kiss their butts, reports The Huffington Post.
This "butt-kissing flasher" has been struck at least four times since Saturday. If caught, the alleged posterior-loving perp will likely face a buttload of legal consequences.
Soliciting Butt Kisses
The butt-flasher's demands came into clearer focus after the two women involved in the alleged incident posted a photo of a note that the naked man threw at them while at the beach, reports West Palm Beach's WPBF-TV.
Under Florida law, it is illegal to solicit another to engage in "lewdness," which includes "any indecent or obscene act." Seems like that would include letting someone lock lips with your bum for his sexual gratification.
Although concepts like indecency and obscenity have been battlegrounds for interpretation for years, exposing something below the waist (i.e., buttocks or genitals) can usually qualify, even if you just really had to use the restroom.
Offering two women $200 for some lip-on-bootie action would likely qualify as solicitation, despite the fact that no money was actually exchanged and the offerees had no intention of accepting.
Unlike the slightly classier proposition in "Indecent Proposal," Florida's butt-kissing flasher allegedly raised the stakes by dropping his towel and "perform[ing] inappropriate actions to himself," reports WPBF-TV.
Waggling around one's wedding tackle in public is a crime in most states, including Florida, as long as the perpetrator has lewd, lascivious, or indecent intent.
The intent element is what keeps accidental nudity or mothers breastfeeding from being prosecuted. In context, it seems fairly likely that a jury would find the butt-kisser's flashing to be for his own sexual pleasure and thus lewd.
If and when Florida law enforcement finally catch him, the flasher will not be able to kiss enough butt to keep him from facing felony charges.