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A man seeking to marry his computer as a not-so-subtle legal protest against gay marriage was denied by a judge on Wednesday.
Marc Sevier sued to intervene in a same-sex marriage case in Florida by claiming that he had the "right to marry [his] preferred sexual object" -- namely, his porn-filled laptop -- much like same-sex couples were arguing for the right to same-sex marriage, reports Newser.
A judge tossed his computer-marriage motion, but Sevier isn't done yet.
Can You Marry a Computer?
In case you were actually wondering, no you can't marry a computer. End of legal argument.
However, individuals like Sevier who oppose same-sex marriage have often equated gays marrying to marrying animals or objects. Sevier isn't alone; Justice Antonin Scalia famously equated consensual homosexual sex to incest and bestiality.
Those who find legal recognition of gays and lesbians abhorrent often turn to hyperbole to express their beliefs. If a man can marry a man, then why can't Sevier marry a computer? Perhaps in Sevier's mind they have the same logical value.
In Brenner v. Scott, a man and his male partner are seeking recognition in Florida of their gay marriage performed in Canada. Sevier filed a motion to intervene claiming that he "fell in love" with his porn-laden computer "as a result of classic conditioning upon orgasm."
Judge Pulls the Plug
The New Times Broward Palm Beach called Sevier's motion an attempt to "punk the legal system" and let his disapproval of the advances of gays and lesbians in America be heard. Judge Robert Hinkle denied Sevier's motion on April 24, wondering if it was "satirical" or "removed from reality."
We may have wondered the same thing, had Sevier not tried this sort of thing before.
Pattern of Bizarre Suits
Back in December when "Duck Dynasty" star Phil Robertson was under fire for alleged homophobic comments, Sevier filed suit to defend him, claiming President Barack Obama and cable-TV channel A&E colluded to promote a pro-gay agenda.
Sevier's 91-page complaint cited Scripture for legal support, and stated plainly that homosexuality was a sin. A sin not unlike pornography -- Sevier had also sued Apple in June for causing his porn addiction.
In his latest filing, Sevier demands the federal courts "put up or shut up" about gay marriage. By his logic, if sexual orientation is a protected class, why not allow "one man and one machine?"
Perhaps history will remember Sevier as a crusader for robo-sexual rights -- or more likely, forget him altogether.