Fla. Man Stuffs Chainsaw in Shorts, Gets Charged With Shoplifting

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By Brett Snider, Esq. on November 13, 2014 11:09 AM

A Florida man proved to himself (and all of us) that you can fit a chainsaw in your pants, but you might have to deal with a theft charge.

Police arrested Anthony Ballard, 28, on suspicion of shoplifting a chainsaw from the Treasure Coast Lawn Equipment store in Port St. Lucie, Florida. Despite all those sharp metal bits near his nethers, Ballard allegedly made it out of the store and dumped the power tool in a wooded lot before escaping. But as reported by TCPalm, police have some interesting surveillance video in their possession.

What happened after this feat of chainsaw pocketing, and what does Ballard face in court?

Grand Theft Chainsaw

You would think that stuffing a chainsaw into your shorts would be difficult, but from the video above, the man identified by police as Ballard makes it look easy. According to TCPalm, Ballard allegedly left the store with the chainsaw, stashed it in the woods, then was apprehended by police when he returned for it. The arrest report listed Ballard as "homeless" and describes him as having "a change of heart" to return the saw before his arrest.

In Florida, permanently depriving another person of property between $300 and $20,000 in value is grand theft in the third degree. This offense is punishable by up to five years in prison and a fine of up to $5,000. Since the chainsaw which Ballard is accused of "trousering" was valued at more than $600, he was arrested for grand theft.

Hopefully in deciding whether to pursue charges against Ballard, the prosecutors will take into account his indigent status... and that he was able to ride his bike away from the scene with a chainsaw down his shorts.

Not the Only Shorts Shoplifter

Ballard is carrying on the long tradition of shoplifters who use their roomy trousers to sneak merchandise out of the store. In New York, a puppy thief tried to sneak his canine cargo out via a ride in his pants. Strangely, about a year later, yet another suspect tried to sneak out multiple puppies in his legwear.

We aren't sure which is more dangerous to the lower body of a shoplifter, a live puppy or a chainsaw, but the law is pretty clear that both are illegal.

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