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Where Can I Get My ISIS Hunting License?

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By Christopher Coble, Esq. on July 06, 2016 6:59 AM

In Missouri, if you're interested in supporting Eric Greitens's gubernatorial campaign. The Republican candidate and former Navy SEAL officer is selling "ISIS hunting permits" to raise money for his campaign.

So how many ISIS can you bag under this (fake) permit? And will the scolds down at the fish and game office really be out tracking this season?

Bag 'Em and Tag 'Em

Hunting is deeply woven into the fabric of American culture. Fathers teach their sons how to hunt, one generation to the next. And every generation looks forward to the opening of ISIS season as an annual rite of passage, when enough ISIS can feed a family all winter.

But that history, and the God-given right to commune with nature and shoot it dead, must be balanced with an interest in conservation and wildlife management. Hence the bagging limits imposed by most hunting licenses. But Greitens's ISIS licenses expressly state there is no bagging or tagging limit, and they don't expire until "we defeat this evil," not unlike Florida's annual python hunt.

Great ISIS Challenge

Missouri is home to large herds of wild ISIS, which are considered an invasive species, displacing native animal populations. Wildlife officials blame the spike in ISIS numbers on careless consumers thinking an ISIS would make a good pet, then releasing it into the wild when it gets too big. The hope is that Missouri hunters can tamp down the wild ISIS population and lessen the impact on native species.

This year, like hundreds before it, Missourians will be able to take part in the time-honored tradition of a good ISIS hunt. Just make sure you do it legally -- with a license. If you pay $100 for one, you can even get it autographed by a former Navy SEAL who claims he killed Osama bin Laden.

On a serious note, Muslims in Missouri are reportedly concerned for their safety over the talk of ISIS hunting licenses. A spokesperson for the Council on American-Islamic Relations worries, for example, that locals may see Muslim women around town and confuse them for people associated with ISIS. Perhaps local hunters are better off sticking to hunting ducks this season. Also, for that matter, it should be emphasized that the ISIS hunting permits are fake.

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